Comment on this ielts writing task 1: The proportion of urban population in four Asian nations

The graph below gives information about the percentage of the population in four Asian countries living in cities from 1970 to 2020, with predictions for 2030 and 2040.

Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The line chart illustrates the proportion of urban population in four Asian nations between 1970 and 2020, with predictions to 2030 and 2040.
Overall, it is evident that all countries generally witnessed an upward trend in the percentage of people living in the cities over the 50-year period. Moreover, it can be seen that Malaysia experienced the highest figure, and all those trends will continue until 2040.

In 1970, the figures for Philippines and Malaysia were by far the highest, at around 30%, compared to that of Thailand and Indonesia, which was only 18% and 15%, respectively. After 30 years, while the percentage of urban residents in Philippines increased to around 50% and saw a decline in 2000, that of Malaysia went up to about 48%. Meanwhile, Thailand urban populations rose to 30% in 1990 and remained stable during the 20s. In contrast, populations living in cities in Indonesia climbed to 30% and surpassed the figure for Philippines in 2010.

By 2030, it is predicted that the percentage of urban populations in Malaysia surge to 80% and will become the nation which has the highest figure in 2040. Likewise, that of Indonesia is expected to see a growth to around 60% in 2040, whereas urban populations in Philippines and Thailand will stand at 55% and 50% in turn.

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The essay has too many words in it to be completed during the actual test. You should learn to write more meaning using lesser words. While the analysis may be considered detailed for this analysis, the presentation is faulty. The information presentation tends to get confusing for the reader since the writer is jumping around in his reference points, without really completely discussing or presenting a piece of information about the given country. This leads to a lower GRA and C+C score since the reader will have to repeatedly read the passage so that he can understand what the writer is trying to say. You should learn to draft your information first, making sure to group the data into understandable sections so that the coherence score of the essay will not be too affected.