The line graph reveals the number of books read by men and women in Burnaby Public Library from 2011 to 2014. Overall, it can be seen that 2011 to 2014 witnessed a rise in the levels of books read by men compared to women.
To begin, in 2011, women read more books than men. It was leveled at 5000 books which was higher than men read, 3000 books. Next, over the following year, the rate from women increased markedly to 8000 books while the number from men saw a gradual growth to 4000 books. Surprisingly, both levels of books read by men and women rose during the period 2012 to 2013 and they hit a similar point of 10000 books. However, there was a noticeable fall to 8000 books which were read by women in 2014. In contrast, the number of books read by men inclined dramatically when the level hit a peak of 14000 books at the end of the year.
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Initially, You do not need to write the elaboration in the introduction. This is my introduction
The comparison of the book which is read by male and others gender numbers from 2011 onwards is illustrated in the graph. As seen, male readers have a significant trend start from the second year. Meanwhile, female reader showed a dramatic decline before the last period.
I hope this assists yo and forgive me when I write some mistakes.
Hi Yoga, welcome to EssayForum :)
Here's my analysis towards your essay. I hope that you can follow through.
1st paragraph:
- Overall, it can be seen that, 2011 to 2014 witnessed a rise in the levels of books read by men compared to women.both genders experienced a growth in the level of books read in the first two years. Eventually, females witnessed a decline at the end of the period while males stayed an upward trend and surpassed the women.(as you can see, one more sentence is needed to write a well-developed paragraph. Remember to write at least 3 sentences for each paragraph)
2nd paragraph:
- To begin with , in 2011, women read more books than men.
- It was leveled at 5000 books which was higher than men read, at approximately 3000 books.
- However, there was a noticeable fall to 8000 books which were read by women in 2014. In contrast, the number of books read by men inclined dramatically when the level hit a peak of 14000 books at the end of the year. (the meaning would be confusing if you contrasted more than two sentences)
>> 2014 witnessed a significant fall to 8000 books read by women but in the same year the rate of books read by men overtook women's place in which it inclined dramatically and hit a peak of roughly 14000 books.
Overall, I like your grammatical control of this essay. I reckon that this can be your plus point in IELTS writing task 1. However, you need to pay more attention on how to compose a good structure. Instead of making short intro and long body paragraph. It is better to write at least three sentences per paragraph. It is also suggested to write a powerful introduction by properly paraphrase the question and write the overview. Then, 2 body paragraphs are needed to group the information appropriately. However, I believe that more writing practices would be beneficial towards your writing skill development. Therefore, I would like to say good luck for the next practice :)
Hi Yoga, indeed, WELCOME to the forum, we hope,like a family, you can trust us with your writing projects and rest assured that we will be here to provide you with the most accurate feedback and reference for your articles.
Having said that, I have a few suggestions for your analysis;
- To begin with ,
- than what men read,at 3000 books.
- the rate fromof women
- remarkably increased markedly
- the period of 2012 to 2013
- In contrastOn the contrary ( contrast - is for color / contrast - is for ideas ) ,
Overall, it is a very comprehensive analysis.
There you have it Yoga, by the way, your name is very interesting, :)
I hope the above corrections are helpful and valuable to your revision, again the above are just suggested modifications and should you decide not to follow through, that's all up to you. We hope to assist you further in your future writing projects.