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IELTS TASK 2: It is commonly believed that education is of vital importance...


suxiaojing 13 / 18 7  
Apr 10, 2016   #1
Essay: It is generally believed that education is of vital importance to individual development and the well-being of societies. What should education consist of to fulfill both these functions?

Education, which is generally acknowledged, fulfills a crucial and indispensable function in the realm of the development of the students and the entire society.The objective of this essay is to find out what education should contain to effectively achieve its purposes.

To begin with, educational institutions such as colleges and universities should establish and arrange the curriculum and subjects which can nurture students a variety of professional skills and techniques.It is undeniable that as the society becomes increasingly dynamic and turbulent, a vast number of young adults become unemployed after they graduate.If school administrators can provide students with numerous opportunities to obtain and develop practical and specialized skills which can enable them to be distinguished from other competitors and grab employers' attentions.Then, they will promptly get accustomed to the intensely competitive society and their career ladders will be efficiently progressed.

Additionally, in terms of primary and secondary school, courses which impart knowledge and information of laws and legislation should be arranged into the syllabus.Substantial children, unarguably, do not have the slightest idea of what constitutes a criminal offense due to the scarcity of relative general knowledge, which increases the possibilities of the occurrence of juvenile delinquency.One example will suffice to illustrate this view. Many teenagers are coaxed to sell drugs at disco, which they consider is a harmless part-time job.Not until they are caught by police do they realize it is illegal.Therefore, it is of significance and urgency to establish and improve the awareness of abiding laws and avoiding anti-social behaviors of youngsters for the purpose of elevating the stability and security of the society and preventing adolescents from becoming victims.

To conclude, I concede that schools should give priority to the cultivation of a host of abilities such as critical thinking and analytical capacity of students rather than mere knowledge dissemination and spread. Nevertheless, I am still convinced that being confronted with the current tendency and circumstance of the society, schools should adjust themselves accordingly with a view to catering to the need and request of the public and the society.

ichanpants89 [Contributor] 16 / 777 309  
Apr 10, 2016   #2
Xiao, I really like the way you use many complex vocabularies in your essay. Most of them I assume that are correct. Yet, there is still one or two inappropriate use of advance vocabulary, then the place is crucial due to its capability to change the whole meaning of a sentence.

This is what I found:
- I am not really sure that 'concede' will become the perfect synonym for 'believe'
This is what 'concede' means in Cambridge Dictionary:
- Concede (verb) (ADMIT) = to ​admit, often ​unwillingly, that something is ​true
Example:
- The ​government has conceded (that) the new ​tax ​policy has been a ​disaster.
- He conceded that he had been a little ​harsh.

- I am also not really sure that 'elevate' will become the perfect synonym for 'improve'
- Elevate (verb) = to make someone or something more ​important or to ​improve something
Example:
- They ​want to elevate the ​status of ​teachers.
- These ​factors ​helped to elevate the ​town to the ​position of one of the most ​beautiful in the ​country.

I know that you want to use 'C2 Word' to make your English sounds advance, but inappropriate use will definitely decrease your score. When using a synonym we first need to think about the meaning. The meaning should be exactly the same. I do not encourage people to use synonyms that mean 'nearly the same' because it often leads to mistakes.

So, this is my suggestion regarding to the use of synonym:

- Only change a word if you are 100% sure the meanings are the same.
- Be aware of 'loose synonyms'.
- If you change it, the grammar must also be correct.
- Be particularly careful with keywords from the question.
- If you can't think of a synonym, try one of the alternative methods.
- If in doubt, don't change it. It is better to repeat the word and be correct, than force a synonym and be wrong.
liv_ryu 13 / 22 6  
Apr 10, 2016   #3
HI suxiaojung, here some corrections and suggestions from me:

1.you have to read more about appositive ,
eg :

Education, which is generally acknowledged, fulfills a crucial and indispensable function in the realm of the development of the students and the entire society.

usually, appositive is used to separate the definition bycomma
if you want to make it become appositive, here my correction:
Education, generally acknowledged, fulfills a crucial and indispensable functions in all of students and society development.

2. pay attention on Noun singular and plura l
eg :

a variety of professional skills and techniques

you can change into various professional skills and techniques

3. there are so many which inside your essay
you can do reducing to make your essay easily
eg :

courses which impart knowledge and information of laws and legislation should be arranged into the syllabus

courses imparting knowledge and information of laws and legislation should be arranged into the syllabus
Wiwik Mujahidin 21 / 3 1  
Apr 10, 2016   #4
... fulfills a crucial and indispensable function in the realm of the development of the students Student development and the entire society.

... a vast number of young adults become unemployed after they graduatethey have gratuated


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