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Toefl: communal investments should be focused on which part



Laser 1 / -  
Sep 25, 2011   #1
Do you agree or disagree with the idea that the government should spend more money to build art museums and music concert halls than to build recreational facilities such as swimming pools and playgrounds?

With the rapid development of our society, communal investments has now become a national concern. Some people argue that budgets of the government should be focused on building recreational facilities rather than art museums and music concert halls. I concede that recreational facilities rely largely on the government's budget. However, the spiritual constructions need more financial aid to let people experience the essence of culture and maintain a high level of mental health.

The main reason for this preference is that museums and concert halls are great places to impart knowledge to people about culture. Museums provide showwindows to peer into the brilliant thoughts of artists reflecting their sensations to society; concert halls offer opportunities to take a journey of the emotional worlds of prominent musicians. The combined efforts of museums and concert halls serve to edify the public. As a case in point, last year I went to the city museum and saw a famous painting by French impressionist, Monet. It was this experience that gave me a deep insight into the Renassance and consequently, left me appreciating the imagination and creativity of humankind. In a word, if the government spend money to build museums and concert halls, it can largely enrich citizens' spiritual life.

Another reason is that viewing arts and listening to music are excellent ways for people to relax themselves. With the quickening tempo of modern world, the masses are confronting increasing pressure from work, school and family. In light of the relentless pressure, art and music come to help since they have the magic power to sooth the audience. According to a recent statistics conducted by a group of experts from China Daily, the most widespread and authoritative English newspaper in China, a mere fifteen minutes of listening to classical music is more effective than any existing medicine in reducing mental stress. For this reason, building more art museums and concert halls are profoundly conductive to the citizens' mental health.

Admittedly, recreational facilities are also constructive to people's life. Swinming pools and playgrounds can lead us a healthy life style as we can do some exercises in them. However, considering the more valuable spiritual benefits, they couldn't but take a second place behind museums and concert halls.

In a nutshell, it is more sensible for the government to put more emphsis on constructions such as art museums and concert halls because they benefit the public in enriching their spiritual life as well as improving their mental health.

rifatmursalin 13 / 36  
Sep 25, 2011   #2
Great essay and excellent supporting evidences. Just one thing, if I were you, I wouldn't use "In a nutshell,". It comes across as sort of informal.
dumi 1 / 6793  
Sep 25, 2011   #3
With the rapid development of our society, communal investments on community development has now become a national concern.

However, the spiritual constructionsdevelopment(construction is mostly used for materialistic things)needs more financial aid to letis important for the people to experience the essence of culture and maintain a high level of mental health and hence more financing is required for such activities.
bahareh 18 / 48  
Sep 26, 2011   #4
Hi Laser;
your essay is a good one with a high vocabulary pack but I think some changes may be required to get the best result.
your essay needs more sentences for the conclusion part, and if you combine two last paragraph and add some suggestion , it might be more completed.

It was THIS experience that gave me a deep ... It was THE experience that gave me....
Good luck
Bahar
monamona 7 / 10  
Sep 28, 2011   #5
Hi
Your essay is great but try to avoid using informal word such as In a nutshel .


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