Unanswered [22] | Urgent [0]

Home / Writing Feedback   % width Posts: 3

Writing task 1: Compare maps - changes in a Science Park since 2008

Camellia0611 1 / -  
Oct 27, 2023   #1

The maps below show changes in a Science Park since 2008.

Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparisons where relevant.

The map depicts the developments which have taken place in the Science Park between the year 2008 and today.

In general, the most significant change in the graph is that the park has become a much more modern area, notably characterised by the appearance of many new transport lines, aiming to facilitate the visitors' commutation.

Looking at the north of the landscape, the Science Park has experienced a number of noticeable changes. The greatest is that the green land in the northwest has been redeveloped into the Research and development building. Besides, the complex Offices-Reception witnessed a modification, with the Reception being transformed into the University Hub. In contrast, the Business units have remained unaltered.

Regarding the Southern area, there has been a conversion from the IT centre to the Innovation centre. Moreover, the grassland has been demolished and the adjacent car park has been reduced in size to make land available for the expansion of Cyber Security. In the parallel of these changes, there has been an introduction of new cycle paths, a train station in the southern railway, and a bus stop at the east T-junction. However, three areas covered by trees have shown no sign of change.

Holt  Educational Consultant - / 14,432 4691  
Oct 30, 2023   #2
most significant change in the graph

Graph? You indicated that a map was presented. That is the wrong synonym for the image. You should have said drawing or illustrations instead. You will lose LR points for incorrect word usage and also have deductions in GRA consideration because you confused the reader regarding the image identifier.

Your summary overview and trending statement have grammar problems that will further reduce the C+C and GRA scores. You are writing run on sentences in those sections when your information should have been spread throughout 3-5 sentences. Remember that each sentence should carry a concise thought process, useful information about one aspect of the image. Trying to cram all the information into one sentence makes it difficult to follow in terms of information and thought meaning.
chau_pham 2 / 2 2  
Nov 2, 2023   #3
You should use more grammar structures as I notice most sentences are written in passive voice, which could be improved with more complex and active sentences. Vocabulary could be improved with more academic words i.e. replacing "a much more modern area" to "a well-modernized area". The repetition of "has been" will lower your band scores which should be replaced with other grammar structures as mentioned. More overall compare and contrast would also increase your score as you rely too much on describing the obvious details instead of making objective comparisons. Be more careful with stating the type of presentation given and be more mindful with your grammar choices.

Home / Writing Feedback / Writing task 1: Compare maps - changes in a Science Park since 2008