'comparison the sales of CD' - Bar chart of IELTS task-1

The Bar chart shows the striking changes in the sales of games software, CD's and DVDs in the whole world between the years 2001 and 2003.

There is a gradual rise in the games software in 4 years from 10 billion dollars in 2000 to 19 billion dollars in 2003.It means sales rose to 9 billion dollars from 2000 to 2003.When comes to DVDs there is a drastic rise in the sales globally between the years 2000 and 2003, it boomed from 18 billion dollars to 31 billion dollars but there is just a slight decrease in overall sales of CD's globally from year 2000 to 2003 that is about 1 billion dollars from 2000 to 2001 and it stayed unchanged till 2003

Of overall, comparison the sales of CD's are noted as highest and sales of games software's noted as least globally in all the years.

In conclusion, the sales of games software's and DVDs are increasing gradually and sales of CD's decreased slightly.

:::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::kindly please help me knowing my mistakes:::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::

In the intro, you need to write a general statement.

There is a gradual rise in the games software --- There WAS a gradual rise in the games software
When comes to DVDs --- WITH REGARD to DVDs
there is a drastic rise in the sales --- you just use 'rise' in the previous sentence. Replace it with 'INCREASE' to avoid repitition.

You're writing about the past (2000-2003) so make sure all the verbs are in past tense.
Also, write numbers below 10 in full words (four instead of 4).

Best

Hello,

First of all, it would me more useful if you could also give us the chart that you are talking about. In this way it would be easier for us to give you suggestions regarding this task.

I don't know how many numbers does your chart contain, but try to use more comparisons such as:
- Compared to..., the change in ...was dramatic
- The ...weren't so close to their targets as the ..were
- In both ...and... the proportion of ...was growing

Hope that this will help you.
Good luck with your essays!