IELTS ESSAY1 : a complaining letter about broken equipment you bought

You recently bought a piece of equipment for your kitchen but it did not work. You phoned the shop but no action was taken.
Write a letter to the shop manager. In your letter
- describe the problem with the equipment
- explain what happened when you phoned the shop
- say what you would like the manager to do

Dear Sir,

I am writing with regards to an appliance that I bought from your shop recently.

I already bought a new dish washing machine last week from your shop and your personnel set up it properly, or that what I supposed. But I realized later that the machine is not working well as the dirty dishes still dirty after washing process, consequently it leaves my silver spoons in brass color instead.

When I phoned your shop to report the problem, I spoke to an assistant who did not know the procedure for repairs or returns, and she assured me that she will call the store manager and they should follow your problem and call you soon. That was two days ago, and I am still waiting for your call.

As the machine is still under warranty, I am entitled to ask for it to be replaced or repaired, I have diceded that i would like a replacement of the washing machine, in addition I would like you to phone me personaly when you recieve this letter,

I am looking to forward to your prompt response.

Yours Faithfully

John hartnet

she will call the store manager and they shouldwill(the structures of the sentences must be the same before and after the word "and") follow your problem

AsSince the machine is still under warranty, Iitam entitlesdme to ask for replacing and repairing the machineit to be replaced or repaired,.I have diceded that i would like a replacement of the washing machine,(I have made my decision to replace the washing machine with a new one).

in addition I would like you to phone me personaly when you recieve this letter,(In a letter u should be more courteous and you should not show that you are too angry. As a result, I think the sentence would be changed with this one:" I was wandering if you would consider this problem and I would be appreciated if you call me in this concern as soon as you can."

I am looking forward to forward tohearing your prompt response.
Moreover, you should be more careful about punctuation. You had several mistakes with regard to punctuation which had made the sentences hard to understand

Regards
Ahmad

Dear Sir,

I am writing with regards to an appliance that I bought from your shop recently.

I already bought a new dish washing machine last week from your shop and your personnel set up it properly or that what I supposed, But I realized later that the machine is not working well as the dirty dishes still not clean after washing process, consequently it leaves my silver spoons in brass color instead.

When I phoned your shop to report the problem, I spoke to an assistant who did not know the procedure for repairs or returns and she assured me that she will call the store manager and they will follow your problem.

Since the machine is still under warranty, it entitles me to ask for replacing and repairing the machine. I have decided that i would like a replacement of the washing machine.

I was wandering if you would consider this problem and I would be appreciated if you call me in this concern as soon as you can.

I am looking forward to hearing your prompt response.

Yours Faithfully

John Hartnet