Unanswered [3] | Urgent [0]

Home / Writing Feedback   % width Posts: 2

In the complex, industrial society nowadays, the quality of life is deteriorating

maitouyen1 8 / 19  
Feb 9, 2017   #1
Hi! I am practicing on IELTS and I got this prompt:
The prompt says: the quality of life in large cities is decreasing.What could be the reasons behind this?What measures can be taken to resolve this problem.

Reasons and possible solutions to make a life better

In the complex, industrial society nowadays, the quality of life in large cities is decreasing, making it a major problem to be dealt with. There are some underlying reasons that will be discussed in this essay and I will put forward some solution to tackle this situation.

Unemployment is the main reason behind this problem. Living in large cities, people always want to walk into a job. However, with an amount of numerous people, raising every year, securing a job is not easily. Therefore, an increasing number of those who is jobless daily transpire. People who have no career have to face a financial problem so their living's standard diminishes. Find decent accommodation with the small budget is difficult. They are not able to pay the rent which is much higher than countryside so they must live in tight and bad condition houses. It also enables them to eat the mass production of food with doubt resources which can have a bad impact on people's health. One can commit a crime if they have no money because they have to meet their basic needs. Not only those stuff but also they can't afford anything which gains to maximum the price.

There are so many ways to solve the problem of the quality of life in large cities is decreasing. One solution is that governments should pay attention to decentralize the jobs. They should build and invest in industry factories everywhere including countryside. If people seek an employment, have good working and the spectacular salary package, they won't move to large cities anymore. Not only does it solve that drawback but also it reduces the migration in bigger cities, which is increasing every year because of the lack of job in smaller town. It will improve people's living standard and relive stress about unemployment. Also, it reaches the balance between smaller town and big cities.

In conclusion, unemployment is the main reason that reduces the quality of life in large cities. However, these problems are solvable to a great extent. Governments just need to decentralize the jobs.

Holt [Contributor] - / 8,598 2499  
Feb 9, 2017   #2
To, you are becoming sloppy with your paraphrasing. You did not even bother to try and paraphrase the prompt discussion. You merely cut and paste the central theme in your opening statement. That is unacceptable and will result in a low to failing task accuracy score. Why did you not even try to change the presentation? You obviously understood the prompt because you were able to discuss the relevant topics properly, although with a number of grammar problems, so you had the ability to easily paraphrase the prompt for discussion if you wished to. I am disappointed that you did not even try do that. While you could possible score a 5 overall in the essay as far as I am concerned, I am not sure how an actual examiner would score you due to the plagiarism involved in your opening statement. You would probably get a score within a 4-5, depending upon the more intricate details that the examiners use in scoring essays.

Home / Writing Feedback / In the complex, industrial society nowadays, the quality of life is deteriorating