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A comprehensive procedure regarding the making process of the frozen fish pies produced by a company


Yusri31 28 / 31 8  
Apr 1, 2016   #1
A comprehensive procedure regarding the making process of the frozen fish pies produced by manufacture and the ingredients used can be seen in the pictures. Overall, we can witness that the main ingredients to make a fish pie are potatoes and fresh salmon, and the majority of this process use sophisticated machine.

Moving to a detailed procedure, the fresh salmon must be steamed in oven, however it must be mixed lemon juice and salt previously. Salmon which steamed with mild temperatures separated from their skin and bones. After that, pear and sauce are mixed on the salmon. This ingredient is already to be blended with the potatoes and the other ingredients.

Another procedure at the same time is preparing the potatoes as one of the main ingredients. The potatoes will be peeled and sliced, but previously, it must be cleaned. The next step, this ingredient is boiled and after that be chilled in the few hours. The last step in this part is mixing the potatoes, salmon and the other ingredients into the dough machine. These ingredients will be processed to make a fish pie and then be wrapped to be sold to societies.
ichanpants89 [Contributor] 16 / 777 309  
Apr 1, 2016   #2
Yusri, complete the way that you present the information in the overview / introduction of your essay. You accidentally created only two sentences in what was otherwise a very strong start to your essay. Your mistake was compressing the information into the two sentences you presented. Format your opening statement into at least three sentences this way:

A comprehensive procedure... Overall, it can be witnessed that... The majority of...

A comprehensive procedure regarding the making process of the frozen fish pies ...
Overall, we can witness that the main ingredients (...) and the majority of this process use sophisticated machine.

You can do more elaboration on the last sentence. My suggestion for your next thread is that you have to bear in mind, in this forum you need to clearly attach the picture, otherwise your account will be suspended.


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