Computers are often argued to be the greatest milestone in the history of technology.

Write about the following topic:

Computers are often argued to be the most important invention of the last hundred years.

To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?

Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.
You should spend about 40 minutes on this task.

Since the beginning of the 20th century, or often known as the era of technological advancement, humankind has witnessed a multitude of breakthrough events, among which is the invention of the computer, a sophisticated machine that is often argued to be the greatest milestone in the history of technology. From my perspective, I totally agree with the statement for the following reasons.

To begin with, a wide range of today's indispensable devices and conveniences would not have been made possible and accessible without the help of computers. To illustrate, from a macro-perspective, many of the most remarkable astronomical events, namely landing on the moon or launching satellites, in their infancy were merely numbers and statistics programmed and stored in a computer. Regarding our everyday life, from the emails sent to the recreational applications we install on our phones, all have been facilitated in some ways by the use of computers.

The computer, along with other inventions, has left its footprint in numerous fields, and inadvertedly altered the way we live our lives. In terms of education and recreation, it is undeniably that computers have been providing us with a considerable number of applications and tools, that optimise our learning and relaxing experience, yet still holding a great deal of potentials to offer. Regarding medical purposes, the introduction of multiple modern equipments, the process of examining and treating a patient has been made more economical and time-saving, not to mention less painful. Last but not least, as it is constantly improved with up-to-date and more sophisticated technology, one can confidently say that, in the years to come, the computer will be an irreplaceable part in human life in the most holistic and beneficial way.

To conclude, although some may argue that there are plenty of other inventions that are more advanced and have greater impacts on our lives, such as the Internet, or most recent, the rise of Artificial Intelligence and humanoid robots, the computer as the most crucial invention still has my support.

THANK YOU FOR YOUR FEEDBACKS AND SUGGESTIONS

@minhtamdav
Hi there. Welcome to the forum. I hope that this feedback somehow helps you in your writing endeavors in the future. Should it be of help, I would be glad to assist you in your writing endeavors for future references!

While the introductory paragraph was quite astounding given how much intrinsic detail you had, I recommend that you opt to simplify the first sentences. The first sentences are all about making concrete and ensuring that the details that you've laid out would be fully understood by the readers. Given that having so many complex words would impede these processes, I highly recommend that you section everything into a more comprehensible bundle. To clarify, this means that you should be more straightforward with the intent of your text.

Furthermore, while the next paragraphs were great and put-together, I recommend that you opt to incorporate more real-world examples to assist readers into understanding the bulk of the text that you have. Doing this would definitely help people further their understanding - and, in the process, you'd have an enhanced outlook on the situation at-hand.

Best of luck.

@Maria
Thank you for your answer Maria. It helps me a lot as I'm about to sit for the IELTS
However, if you were to score, what band score would you give this essay, may I ask?
And how can I gain access to your further assistance?
Looking forward to hearing from you.

As a task 2 IELTS essay response, it is safe to say that this paper has been over written. With only a 40 minute time frame to write a response, the excessive word count has created more problems and scoring deductions rather than scoring improvements for the writer. When an essay is too long and over presented, it creates more grammar and sentence structure problems for the writer as his focus moves from the quality of his writing to simply writing more words for no apparent reason.

One of the problems with the essay is that the personal opinion is not supported by at least 2 thesis topics that would show the line of thinking of the author as it relates to the given discussion parameters. While he did state that his reasons were to follow in the next paragraphs, that reference does not help solidify the writer's opinion in relation to the score that is based on opinion and thought clarity. Without the supporting reasons, the opinion statement comes across as incompletely developed and lacking in convincing discussion starters.

The other problem of the presentation is the hyper focus on an increased LR score. Why is this a problem? Though the writer shows an advanced knowledge of English words, these are not often used in a manner that flows well with the discussion presentation. The words used in a task 2 essay should be more along the lines of everyday conversational English since the audience for the presentation are not professionals but rather, ordinary people. While the chosen advanced English words are impressive, the impropriety of its usage in the presentation are what causes the problem with regards to its use in sentence presentations.

The writer shows a clear understanding of the prompt and ability to deliver a related discussion series. However, the incorrect scoring focus proves to be his biggest obstacle to a passing score.