Unanswered [0] | Urgent [0]
  

Home / Writing Feedback   % width   Posts: 3


IELTS; COMPUTERS REPLACE MAN POWR IN JOBS



mie08 1 / 1  
Nov 24, 2008   #1
Topic: As the world becomes technologically advanced, computers are replacing more and more jobs.

With the current trend today of the ever-changing technology, it cannot be denied that several jobs are replaceable. On the other hand, there are still jobs which require the expertise of a human employee especially when it entails decision-making situations.

One example of a job that got replaced by the availability of technology or computer to the public is the reservation and ticketing officers of travel agencies and airlines. You can now see the availability of your intended travel dates online, make the reservation, know the price of the ticket you want to purchase and pay conveniently with your credit card and you're all done. You even have the choice of printing your own ticket or just pick it up at the airport at the day of your departure. But of course, there would still be several customers that prefer to talk with an agent in completing their purchase of a ticket. They may have several reasons to it but then maybe they are just comfortable dealing with a human being than a computer.

Jobs that the most computer can do is assist, would be that of a medical doctor. It's true that technology and computers do make their jobs easier but it cannot definitely replace them. It can have less work for them, just for instance, instead of opening up a patient to get a gallstone, they would just use an instrument that would make a point incision and guide it through inside the body to do the job for them.

With this, i still believe that technology and computers cannot eventually replace the workforce and drive employees to be jobless. We still need the personal touch of a human in each and everything that technology or computer could offer us.

EF_Team5 - / 1583  
Nov 24, 2008   #2
Good evening :)

I have edited one section of your essay and included some general comments as well:

"One example of a job that was replaced by the availability of technology or computer to the public is the reservation and ticketing officers of travel agencies and airlines. YouAvoid using "you" in formal academic writing; instead, try "me," "I," or "one." can now see the availability of your intended travel dates online, make the reservation, know the price of the ticket you want to purchase, and pay conveniently with your credit card and you'reAvoid contractions in formal academic writing;this should be "you are" again; avoid using "you." all done. You even have the choice of printing your own ticket or just picking it up at the airport the day of your departure. ButAvoid beginning your sentences with conjunctive/transitory words such as "but," "so," or "and." of course, there would still be several customers that prefer to talk with an agent in completing their purchase of a ticket. They may have several reasons to it but then maybe they are just comfortable dealing with a human being than a computer."

Use these suggestions and look carefully through the rest of your piece to see if there are other instances that could use correcting.

In regards to content, I think this is a great example and you explain it very well. Nice work!

Regards,
Gloria
Moderator, EssayForum.com
OP mie08 1 / 1  
Nov 24, 2008   #3
Thank you so much, i would definitely keep your corrections in mind..


Home / Writing Feedback / IELTS; COMPUTERS REPLACE MAN POWR IN JOBS
Do You Need
Academic Writing
or Editing Help?
Need professional help with your assignments? Fill out one of these forms:

Graduate Writing / Editing:
GraduateWriter form ◳

Best Essay Service:
CustomPapers form ◳

Excellence in Editing:
Rose Editing ◳

AI-Paper Rewriting:
Robot Rewrite ◳