IELTS TASK1; consumer durables (telephone, refrigerator, etc.) owned in Britain

The table below shows the consumer durables (telephone, refrigerator, etc.) owned in Britain from 1972 to 1983.Write a report for a university lecturer describing the information shown below.

Academic writing task 1,, please correct and feedback, I appreciate your help

The table shows the percentage of electronic machines used by the British over about one decade from 1972 to 1983.

At a glance when we look at the table, one can notice that the highest household owned in Britain was Television from 93 percent in 1972 to almost 100 percent in 1983. The usage of vacuum cleaner and refrigerator increased steadily to above 90 percent by the end of the period. There was also a significant increase in the use of washing machine and telephone to 80 percent and 77 percent respectively by 1983.The usage of central heating climbed from 39 percent in 1972 to 64 percent in 1983. On the other hand, there were two relatively new machines used by the British, namely Video which had been used in 1983 by 18 percent, and the dishwasher used for the first time in 1978 by 3 percent to reach 5 percent in 1983.

• 
  Capture.PNG
  

Hi
Good job
The biggest mistake is missed a general overview.
You have to write a general trend before or after main paragraph.


This states overall paragraph but next you mentioned specific detail.


Are you sure that this table shows the percentage of electronic machines? in the table there is the percentage of households with ...
Thus, I believe you should write in the introduction:
The table compares the percentage of British's households with different electronic machines between 1972 and 1983.
In addition,it seems that you had written about used machines but not about owned.

Anyway I could be wrong, if so correct me, good luck with your Ielts exam

Good writing. I only suggest you a small improvement in the structure;
1. Introduction (


... this is absolutely fine for the intro)
2. Overview (discuss the main trends very briefly)
3. Details (this paragraph should contain more details such as statistical analysis, data etc.)
So, your second paragraph needs to be split into two paragraphs- overview and details
Anyways, very good writing :)

It is amazing your fast replies ... big thank you
First... Znack
1- At a glance when we look at the table + overall Paragraph (No specific details) >>> Thank you for your note
2- The table shows the percentage of electronic machines used by the British over about one decade from 1972 to 1983....
Are you sure that this table shows the percentage of electronic machines? >> maybe , in the table it states that " Percentage of households with:..." so it is percentage , the second point I thought from ( central heating, television, video, vacuum cleaner, refrigerator, washing machine, dishwasher, and telephone ) they are ALL electronic machines

3- "In addition, it seems that you had written about used machines but not about owned" >> well I said " At a glance when we look at the table, one can notice that the highest household owned in Britain was Television ..." and " the usage of .." and also " the use of .." I just wanted to use different words and not to repeat the word "own "every time

Second... Dumi
1- Fine introduction...
2- Overview (discuss the main trends very briefly) >> how should I have done that?
I tried to amplify the highest usage of TV,
And combined vacuum cleaner and refrigerator as they have about the same percentage
And for washing machine and telephone they increased by different percentages so I had to mention them both
For central heating it increased significantly so I mentioned it separately
There were also two new usage of video and dishwasher and I had to mention them
3- Details (this paragraph should contain more details such as statistical analysis, data etc.)>> could you give me examples, please?
4-second paragraph needs to be split into two paragraphs- overview and details >> Ok

Well, the overview paragraph is actually missing here. You can consider the second paragraph you have written as the one that discusses the details. The overview should discuss the major trends, but without too much details. Let's do an overview;

It is observed that the percentage usage of all electric appliances by the British household has achieved a steady growth during 1972 to 1983. While the Video had been introduced, the Vacuum Cleaner had exited from household usage in the last year of the period under review. .... This is it. Just the major observations.

Also, I have another point to mention ;


This task would test your report writing skills. So, be more formal and official. Avoid phrases like above. Adopt a more official style which discuss facts to the point.

great notes ..
1- overall view of the table
2- more formal and official sentence than ( At a glance when we look at the table, one can notice that )

thank you dumi

could you please answer this also
Details (this paragraph should contain more details such as statistical analysis, data etc.)>> could you give me examples, please?

Hi Dumi / Pahan / Others,
Here is Arun again come up with my writing for your valuable evaluation. Kindly help me. Thanks.

I have tried again and re-wrote the essay .. Please I need your feedback and corrections

The table compares the percentage of different machines owned by British over about one decade from 1972 to 1983. It is clearly seen that the British owned more machines over the ten years period.

According to the table, the percentage of telephone owned has almost doubled from 42 in 1972 to 77 in 1983. There was a slight increase in the television owned by 5% from 1972 to 1983. There was a significant raise in the number of refrigerator and washing machined owned by (94 and 80 percent respectively).

It is noticeable also that the owners of vacuum cleaner raised from (87) in 1972 to (95) in 1982, however, there was no recorded usage of it in 1983. There were two recently owned machines namely dishwasher and video. Dishwasher owned in 1979 by only 3 percent of the British to raise to 5 percent by 1983, while the first record of the percentage of video owners were 18 % in 1983.

IT`s little bit hard to fallow your essay, if you don`t see the table :)

Hi again


I may be wrong if I say that you cannot say "has" in obviously the past time.
I have always struggle with it.
May anyone explain to me this rules?
In addition you must use percent after numbers.


do not use all the time years!
You can say " during the time scale", or "through out the period"


I do believe this sort of statement you should use after mension details.
Otherwise,it sounds pompously.