Nowadays, the consumption of sweetened drinks is dramatically increasing in society

People are having more and more sugar-based drinks.

What are the reasons? What are the solutions?

Nowadays, the consumption of sweetened drinks is dramatically increasing in society, which caused many health issues like obesity or blood vessel disease. The following essay focuses on the main reasons for being up of sugar-based beverages and proposes a number of solutions to make improve this situation.

In terms of the leading reason, many corporations in the food and beverage business invest millions to make their drinks appear on all social media platforms. They hire models and celebrities to promote their new or renowned items, which draw the attention of large crowds, particularly young people. For example, Black Pink represented the Pepsi brand in 2020, allowing their revenue to massively increase. Furthermore, these beverages actually include a lot of additives such as caffeine and colorants. These substances provide an instant energy boost and help people to focus on their work and study, although they are detrimental to human health. Consequently, people drink more sugar-based drinks.

What is needed to combat this problem is definite action. The most apparent approach, in my opinion, is the government's attention to imposing higher taxes on the manufacture and distribution of sugary beverages. Prices would rise significantly, but consumer purchases would decrease. Another solution to this problem would be to reduce advertising about sugary beverages in the media. Alternatively, there are programs that should be broadcasted to raise customers' knowledge of the possible medical concerns of sweetened sodas.

In conclusion, influential commercials and addictive chemicals caused an expansion in the use of soft drinks. It is essential for both individuals and governments to implement effective sugar-reduction strategies.

I reviewed the original prompt and discovered that there is no reference to obesity or blood vessel diseases. These are considered results of overconsumption but were never referenced in the original prompt. Neither does it respond to either of the questions being asked in the discussion instruction. Therefore, the first sentence of this prompt restatement is useless and will only result in an inaccurate interpretation of the original topic. Never include references that are not included in the original as it lessens the accuracy of the reworded statement. While establishing what the essay discussion will be about shows that the writer is capable of properly repeating the instructions, that does not meet the "clear opinion" representation since it does not offer direct responses to the questions provided. Questions that, when answered in the short form, allows the examiner to score the comprehension and quick reasoning skills of the writer in relation to TA requirements.

While the discussion provided is good, seeing as it properly responded to both questions in separate paragraphs, it could have been better. By using individual paragraphs to state the reason for the problem and then, explaining how to solve the problem in the same paragraph, the writer will have the opportunity to present more reasons and solutions (at least 2 of each) that would help the examiner provide a higher scoring consideration for the C+C sections, both of which require a clear explanation and connected discussion format in the presentation. So the format would be more effective as:

Sentence 1: Reason
Sentence 2: Explanation
Sentence 3: Example
Sentence 4: Solution
Sentence 5: Explanation

By using the format above, the writer will allow himself the opportunity to create more cohesive discussion paragraphs of the advanced kind. It avoids the need to constantly try to keep the paragraphs connected when a separate reason and solution paragraph is created. It is simpler to write and easier to connect in terms of topic coverage.