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Continuous developments of zoo required towards a more comfortable and habitable for animals to live



drifter702 1 / 2  
Jul 15, 2013   #1
Exploring along the way in the National zoo, and looking upon the various sorts and varieties of animals as well as the amazing environment, I felt as if time had stood still and the Creator had graciously unveiled to us His handiwork. Zoo is the place where different kinds of animals are kept, displayed to public, and in which they may also be bred. In today's fast paced world, people are pressurized everyday working at a stressful job from nine to five, leisure in the form of going to zoo can be truly welcoming. But many arguments have arisen in recent years on the existence of the zoo. In fact, zoo is needed as a tourist spot in order to attract people, to preserve the natural environment, as well as the place in which some endangered animals are protected and bred.

From a economic perspective, it is important to promote tourism and market destination, therefore zoo procurement is essential for a country to develop its tourism. For instance, Singapore has the best zoo in the world and is famous for their incredible landscape design, with habitats simulating in the wild for each of their animal species. Hence, it is one of the reasons that makes singapore as a world class tourist destination which had contributed to its economy for the past several decades.

Furthermore, preservation of the natural environment is essential for maintaining community sustainability, and thus zoo is one of the approaches. Modern zoos actively work to encourage conservation ethics while giving visitors an enjoyable and exciting experience. As humans continue to push into wildlife habitats, it is important for us to understand the value of natural areas.

Lastly, zoo has played an important role as a protector to those sick and weak animals so they don't get killed in the wild. In some special cases, many endangered animals are kept and bred in order to ensure that they will not be extinct. Moreover, by diplaying to the public it can raise the awareness that these kinds of animals should not be hunted.

In conclusion, arguments that I present above reaffirm that zoo is definitely needed. But with a note that there must be continuous developments of zoo towards a more comfortable and habitable for animals to live.

dumi 1 / 6793  
Jul 15, 2013   #2
You write very well... However, what's the purpose of this essay? IELTS, TOEFL or GRE? It's good to mention that because then others can align their feed back with expectations of the task. Anyways, you have good writing skills :)

One more thing - you need to post this type of essays into Writing Feedback forum.
dumi 1 / 6793  
Jul 26, 2013   #3
You write very well. However, you are supposed to introduce the prompt (the argument) to the reader in the introduction. It does not happen here as you talk only one side of it. I feel you should spend less time for introduction and more at body paras.
gmad06 20 / 143  
Jul 26, 2013   #4
Indeed this is a very challenging essay prompt and I commend you for doing it. However, many writers
fell for this trap and end up missing some of the task. These are my feedback to your essay:

Your introduction is way too long, and you spoke about too many things in detail. Introductions are usually
skip by readers and its sole purpose is only to introduce the topic in an inviting manner. It should contain
for about two to three sentences only.

The prompt ask you to discuss both sides, for and against keeping animals in the zoo. You only
discussed one side. In addition, you don't need to give your opinion about which side you are in favor with
this type of essay.

Hope this helps...
Pahan 1 / 1824  
Jul 30, 2013   #5
From a economic perspective, it is important to promote tourism and market destination, therefore zoo procurement is essential for a country to develop its tourism.

Your ideas sometimes don't flow well. Avoid writing very lengthy sentences.

urthermore, preservation of the natural environment is essential for maintaining community sustainability, and thus zoo is one of the approaches.

.... Well, zoo is not a natural environment, but man made..

Modern zoos actively work to encourage conservation ethics while giving visitors an enjoyable and exciting experience.

.... may be they encourage wild life conservation, but you cannot claim that zoo is a natural environment that animals are not caged and allowed to move around easily.


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