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Contrast paragraph between adulthood and childhood.


frankovidaxt 2 / 3  
Nov 23, 2017   #1

adulthood vs childhood



Life between adulthood and childhood are strikingly different in a couple of aspects. Firstly, children have been well nurtured and sufficiently educated on a regular basis by their families and teachers. However, when they have grown older and become adults, those children have to take more responsibility of their families and themselves as well. Another aspect is that a majority of children have enough time to indulge in their favorite books or other sources of information, and this helps widen their social knowledge and enhance their imagination. Adults, nevertheless, are fully occupied with loads of tasks and have insufficient time to entertain themselves. This can be patiently obvious as in the hustle and bustle pace of modern life, these adults are likely to handle deadlines in their workplace. Lastly, creating harmonious relationship is advisable for those adults who want to go further or even get promoted in their career, meaning that they can succeed in their own fields by cooperating with their colleagues. Conversely, children live harmony with their friends and do not strike up any relationship on purpose. In conclusion, these aforementioned discrepancies can be widely regconized in every corner of the world.

pier 11 / 37 9  
Nov 23, 2017   #2
Hi Dat, I think points you mentioned is quite logical but I would like to change the structure of some sentences that might make them sound better in your context:

Firstly, children have been ... -> Firstly, families and teachers are responsible for supporting and sufficiently educating children. However, ...

This can be patientlypatently obvious ... life, unlike children, these adults are ...

Lastly, a harmonious relationship is typical for those ... own fields through cooperating ...

Hope these are helpful.
Holt [Contributor] - / 8,847 2635  
Nov 23, 2017   #3
Dat, It is best to not count off the facts you are presenting if you cannot do it consistently in the essay presentation. You started off with "firstly" then used other variations like "additionally", "another aspect" and sometimes, you don't refer to a count off at all. So it is best to not use that format because you will tend to forget to use it continuously in the essay. It will not have a bearing on your paper if you don't do that. In fact, it will create a smoother presentation that will allow the sentences to better connect in the presentation. Counting it off sounds like you are outlining information rather than discussing it. Your essay paragraph would have been more convincing if you made it seem like children also have duties such as the chores they have to do around the house to help their parents like washing dishes and similar actions. Comparing responsibilities would have, in my opinion, been the best approach to discussing the comparison paragraph.
NguyenBinh 1 / 5  
Nov 23, 2017   #4
@frankovidaxt
Salute !
There is having majority difference between childhood and adulthood. Apparently, most of child when they come the age of maturation that has mean the change of their appearance is easy to recognize the differences, they become bigger and taller. in addition to their biological development, they also have a clear cognitive development that is highly appreciated. As a child they are nurtured and sufficiently educated on a regular basis by their families and teachers. ..... they think more thoughtful and have a sight more objective and holistic view of life. Children have enough time to play with their friends or indulge in their favorite books or other sources of information, and this helps widen their...

The above is in my opinion. Thanks
OP frankovidaxt 2 / 3  
Nov 24, 2017   #5
@pier
thank you for your help, have a nice day and keep it up


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