whats app mas kurniawan your essay is going to better than before, i have a suggestion to your conclusion paragraph :
you can make more than 2 sentences and
you could use this pattern :
1. restatement the question
3. new idea such as hope, recommendation
I hope that my suggestions help.
To conclude, although parents have a huge opportunity in drawing ground the children and becoming a teacher for their children, I convince the best teacher isn't the parents.
My suggestion :
To sum up, it is evident that there are two statements of people who become the best teacher for our children.In my opinion, I convince that the best teacher isn't the parents. Then i hope the schools' teacher to be more profesional to teach our children in their class than before for making them smart