IELTS:In some countries children have very strict rules of behavior, in other countries th

In some countries children have very strict rules of behavior, in other countries they are allowed to do almost anything they like. To what extent should children have to follow rules?

The extent to which children have to follow rules is in itself a very complex issue, since children across the world grow up in very different cultures. In India for example, children are expected to be very submissive to their parents as well as other adults around them. This, however, is not the case with the Western countries of the world where children follow the motto 'Thou shalt do what thou wilt' as promoted by celebrities and rock stars. I believe that following strict rules has both advantages as well as serious drawbacks as discussed below.

Firstly, strict rules of behavior create responsible and respectful children who in turn mature into respectful adults. This forms a stable society which is virtually free from negative trends such as prostitution and drug abuse. Secondly, if children do not follow strict rules of behavior, they may get out of hand and become work-shy and indolent. This may then create a burden on the society since the government has to find ways to cater for these social ills.

However, forcing children to follow strict rules of behavior doesn't always yield positive results as discussed above, most of the time it backfires and works against society. For example, teenagers are more likely to do the opposite of what they're told to do simply because they want to be independent. Children should also have rights to exercise their free will and develop their own pattern of behaviors. Imposing strict rules may simply destroy the individuality of children.

At the end of the day, it is clear that children should be guided by rules, but these rules should not be imposed on them because as human beings, they need to have room to develop their own traits of character and adopt a behavioral pattern of their own.

I think your first sentence should be a general statement or paraphrase the question statement.

.... I feel it's better you split this sentence into two;
First, strict rules of behavior help nurture discipline and sense of responsibility in children. Such children are more likely to be turned into more disciplined and respectable citizens in society.

Well .... you have two reasons here. My advice is to have one body para dedicated to one reason. Elaborate on that a bit more and support that reason with a good example. Then take the other reason to another new para.

.... it's better if you tell the reason why it is so.
However, forcing children to follow strict rules doesn't always yield positive results as discussed above because in most cases it tends to irritate children.

This reasoning is well justified by your following example;


You write well and I feel you can go for a good score. Improve your introduction :)

I thinks your introduction to the essay is somehow too long. your examples should be mentioned in the body, so that your essay would likely be more pleasant