In some countries, people spend long hours at work. Why does this happen?

Is it positive or negative development?

In developed countries, most citizents investing a lot of time in work to contribute to companies. In my opinion, this problem has its advantages and disadvantages.

First of all, people can advance quickly at work. When they work hard, they can increase professional products and be appriciated higher than others. In addition, working overtime contributes development, rises gross domestic product of countries. For instant, Japanese residents spending their time at workplace help GDP of Japan to increase to 40% each year. Beside that, working a lot also help people avoid society's vices such as getting drunk, adultery,...

In constract, doing overtime at workplace makes emplouees suffer many diseases related to bones and eyes. People have to work with computer all day and sit in wrong posture, this will lead to humpback and weak eyes. Moreover, people won't have much time for their relationship like family, friends and so on. For example, employees working all day can be tired and dod not have time to share with their wife or husband, thiswill break people's relationship.

As a freshman, I find although people spending too much time for their work earn a lot of money, they don't have time for themselves. As a freshman, I am going to find a part-time job but I will keep balance between my studying and my job.

In a nutshell, I personally believe people should manage time for both working and relaxing.

I am not sure why you wrote an essay of only 239 words. Perhaps you were not informed of the 250 word minimum for the Task 2 essay? You have to be conscious of your word count because not providing the minimum count will result in points deductions that can affect your final score. By not providing a complete presentation for the restatement and a clear response to the question in the first paragraph, you have already handicapped your presentation with the lowest possible starting score instead of the highest possible starting score. When you are asked to decide between one of 2 possible responses, pick one. Never say you agree with both. That shows indecision and you will be scored based on a lack of a clear opinion regarding the given discussion topic. You should never use a comma and ellipses one after another in a given sentence. You should only use one punctuation mark at a time. This error, which can be found in your first paragraph will result in a low GRA score as it shows your inability to properly use punctuation marks in a sentence. You also have other errors covering spelling, LR, GRA, and coherence issues in your presentation. Your paper was too rushed. You did not even bother to review it for content. Worse, you failed to review and edit the grammar mistakes in your presentation as well. There is no way that this type of writing will result in passing base score. It is going to fail due to the issues with grammar rules, sentence development, clarity, and academic presentation.

@Holt
Firstly, thank you so much for such a detailed reply!
I am still completely new to the IELTS essay and this is my first post here. Your reply has been so helpful and I have learnt a lot reading it. I am looking forward to improving my writing skill. Finding out this forum and getting advice from people like you is the best thing that happened to me lately.

Again, I am very much grateful!