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Some countries has spent a number of money on building new railway lines for very fast trains



Linda0726 1 / -  
Jul 1, 2020   #1
Task 2
Topic:
In a number of countries, some people think it is necessary to spend large sums of money on constructing new railway lines for very fast trains between cities. Others believe the money should be spent on improving existing public transport.

Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.



Some countries nowadays has spent a number of money on building new railway lines for very fast trains. While some people believe that it is advantageous, others are of the opinion that they should spend money on improving existing public transport. This essay will analyse both sides of the argument before arriving at a reasoned conclusion.

There are certainly several benefits to constructing high-speed railway lines. First, it would make travelling between cities much easier. For example, in Taiwan thanks to the high-speed rail we can travel from the north to almost the south of Taiwan just in 2 hours. Moreover, because of this convenient and fast public transportation, it will attract more tourists from other countries, which can lead to the economic growth. However, the cost of building a long distance train system is usually very high and some people believe that it can be used in a more effective way .

Therefore, this leads to the idea that using the money to advance current public transportation. For example, if a country tries to improve it poor and old bus system , its citizens can truly benefit a lot. The residents can go to school or go to work in a fast way, and moreover, it can reduce the harmful emissions which are emitted by private cars. Those inhabitants would prefer to take public transportation which is more environmentally friendly .

To sum up, the high-speed rail system is a great way to connect one city to another city and it will also benefit in its economic system. On the other hand, improving the existing public transport can help local citizens to go through their country much more convenient. Therefore , I think a country should think thoroughly before taking the decision .

Holt  Educational Consultant - / 15464  
Jul 1, 2020   #2
Good work on properly restating the discussion instructions for this essay. Bad job on your prompt restatement. You have not changed the key phrase words from the original presentation. These words, that you failed to replace in the discussion you created are:

- new railway lines for very fast trains.
- on improving existing public transport

Your failure to replace this total phrase presentation will affect your LR score because you are showing a limited range of vocabulary and an ability to write only in memorized phrases and words. Possible phrase replacements would have been:

- high speed trains, bullet trains, modern speed trains, flash trains, among others
- currently used people carriers, existing conveyances, people movers, among others

Using alternative words from the original is a must for the LR score of your essay. The range of alternative words that you know would have shown that you are well versed or familiar with advanced or other English words. The way you used the original words, it doesn't help your score.

You also did not any second person / group pronouns in the essay to indicate that you are considering the public discussion reasons as opposed to considering only your personal opinion of each topic. Only the 3rd paragraph should be presented using first person pronouns in justification of your opinion that supports one of the two public presentations.

Clearly separate the discussion topics through the use of first person pronouns. It will not lose any points nor will it remove the objectivity of your presentation as you are showing an analysis of the given opinion through your writing and eventual personal opinion creation. Objectivity does not come from using the proper pronouns which are scored under the GRA considerations. Objectivity is part of the C&C section which requires your to show the clarity of your discussion via proper referencing of the discussion points using proper sentence structuring. That means, your personal opinion needs to be a standalone paragraph, before the concluding statement.


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