Spending large sums of money on constructing new railway lines for very fast trains between cities

In a number of countries, some people think it is necessary to spend large sums of money on constructing new railway lines for very fast trains between cities. Others believe the money should be spent on improving existing public transport

Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

Transport fundings allocation

Many continents citizens believe that major transport fundings should be used for building new railway lines connecting cities for quick travel. However, others are of the mindset that money ought to be utilized for developing existing transport service for people. In my opinion, it should be based on the needs of the cities and its habitats.

Constructing new train lines will reduce travel time for long distance travelers considerably. For instance, people driving from one town to other daily for better job opportunity waste valuable time traveling that could be spent with their loved one. This will have a direct effect on pollution and traffic problems in a positive way, as trains can carry multiple passengers in one go there will be fewer cars on the road emitting carbon-dioxide into our atmosphere.

On the other hand, for short distance traveler, traffic congestion and road maintenance are of high priorities. These do not use trains daily. Increase population and number of cars on roads has led to heavy traffic and damaged roads. Widening roads, adding lanes and maintaining roads will aid in traffic flow and improve travel time for these short distance drivers. Thus spending money on advancing present public transportation is deemed necessary for these group of people.

In conclusion, I strongly propose to consider the expenditure of the transport service based on the requirement of the people. If there is more inter-city traveler train must be given Importance or vice-versa.

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Can you please advice the band score and areas of improvement for this essay and my writing skill.

Thank you

I think the first sentence can be altered this way: Many continents citizens believe ... railway lines for quick travelling between cities.

And you should add "On the one hand" to start the first body paragraph.
In the first body paragraph, you should add 1 more points, and in the next paragraph, you should add some more connectors between sentences.
And your conclusion should paraphrase the idea mentioned in the heading instead of giving out a new idea.

Should you extend your introduction: Why you agree? in your conclusion you should use connectos like However or although.
In the body paragraph use more link workds, moreover, therefore, firstly, furthermore.

The idea of your essay is okay. Task achievement criteria (checked).

I think you should work on using complex sentences. You can cut long sentences for the reader to better understand your paragraph.

... in a positive way, where as trains can ... in one go. By that, there will be fewer cars ... (or you can choose better conjunction and connectors)

You can also add explanation sentence after your topic sentence and before giving example.

Hope these would help you.

Gloria, there is a 250 minimum word count for the Task 2 essay. You wrote only 244 words which will result in a severe points deduction for your essay. You will not score well in the C&C and GRA categories as the presentation of each paragraph in your essay is under-developed and little coherent due to the lack of words and sentences per paragraph.

In addition to that, you did not follow all of the instructions for the writing of this essay. This is a comparative opinion essay. That means, "Discuss both points of view and give your own opinion." In this essay, you only provided you point of view in the essay. You made this clear with your thesis statement that said, "In my opinion..." Which is in direct contradiction to the original instructions. Therefore, your essay will only be scored for a portion of the response, which is the personal opinion portion. Unfortunately, that may not be enough to gain you a passing score because of the existing LR, C&C, and GRA problems in your essay. Due to these 2 problems, I will not score this essay. I will wait for a better essay to score. One that has the correct word count and is more prompt responsive / follows the instructions given for the discussion.