Unanswered [1] | Urgent [0]
  

Home / Writing Feedback   % width   Posts: 5


Country's technology versus traditional skills - IELTS



jennychen 2 / 2  
Jun 6, 2011   #1
I would be grateful to anyone who corrects this essay.

"Present a written argument or case to an educated reader with no specialist knowledge of the following topic.

When a country develops its technology, the traditional skills and ways of life die out. It is pointless to try and keep them alive.

To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?

You should use your own ideas, knowledge and experience and support your arguments with examples and relevant evidence."
(IELTS Cambridge 3. Page 52)

It is not rare to see that the traditional skills and ways of life, as valuable cultural relics of a nation, are disappearing far away from the modern society. Obviously, the prevalence of such phenomenon will probably worry many cultural organizations. Thus, despite its certain drawbacks and defects, I do strongly support the idea that it is significant to try and keep the traditional skills and ways of life alive. There are mainly three conspicuous aspects I would like to explore in this essay.

First of all, from a personal and psychological perspective, there is no denying that various traditional skills are essence of a local culture. This is especially true when it comes to the area of traditional arts. To be more precise, numerous ancient architectures illustrates a nation's aesthetic value and religious belief. Cathedrals, highlighted by Gothic style in the Medieval, represent Christianity. Pagodas, totally different from cathedrals stylistically, are a symbol of Buddhism. Though it is difficult to touch our culture or religion by our own hands, we can learn it directly from these sorts of architectures.

It might also be noted that the speed of the development of our technology is increasing rapidly. Even the people in developed countries can not catch up with it. And there are many bad side of new technology. Just as is clearly indicated by numerous scientific researches and public surveys in China, as a result of emerging technology, we destroy environment, in addition we suffer from such destruction. If we kept and spent under the traditional ways of life, this problem would never occur, and we can have a healthy and simple life.

Aside from the foregoing two provisions, however, lies a deeper fact that some traditional skills are often synonymous with low productivity. For example, some labor intensive industries like textile had been substituted by machines. Most of processes relying on hands of workers now can be finished efficiently by enginery controlled by computers. The original weaving skills together with the old manual loom have been fading out gradually. Just for this case or likewise, it is no necessary to spend money to keep the undeveloped status.

In conclusion, the traditional skills and ways of life should be definitely advocated in today's day and age, especially for the reasons of cultural protection and living a simple and healthy life. Yet, it is even more desirable and probably more essential overall to improve the productivity of the traditional skills.

badjeje 3 / 12  
Jun 6, 2011   #2
First of all, from a personal and psychological perspective, there is no denying that various traditional skills are essence of aessential to local culture. This is especially true when it comes to the area of traditional arts. To be more precise, numerous ancient architectures illustratesillustrate a nation's aesthetic value and religious belief.
EF_Kevin 8 / 13053  
Jun 7, 2011   #3
It is not rare to see that the traditional skills and ways of life, as valuable cultural relics of a nation, are disappearing far away from the modern society.

Whoa, this sentence is a high quality piece of writing...

There are mainly three conspicuous aspects I would like to explore in this essay.

Try to think about the three aspects all at once. When you put them together, what CONCEPT do you think of? Try to write a sentence (here at the end of the first paragraph) that will express the most important truth/concept of the essay.

Aside from the foregoing two provisions, however, lies a deeper fact that some traditional skills are often synonymous with low productivity.

Good point!

Look, Jenny, you do not need to worry about the IELTS. You are ready to be a professional writer. :-)
OP jennychen 2 / 2  
Jun 7, 2011   #4
thank you very much, Kevin.You are so kind.
so, what do you think i should write in the first paragraph of this essay?
EF_Kevin 8 / 13053  
Jun 9, 2011   #5
there is no denying that various traditional skills are essence of a local culture.

the speed of the development of our technology is increasing rapidly. Even the people in developed countries can not catch up with it

t some traditional skills are often synonymous with low productivity

Here are your 3 ideas. Add them up, and you get your conclusion. It seems like you are observing that they ARE important parts of culture and that they also ARE associated with lower productivity.

So what is the conclusion? I don't want to give away the answer, but... perhaps PRACTICAL SKILLS become CULTURAL ART when innovations cause them to be replaced by more efficient methods.


Home / Writing Feedback / Country's technology versus traditional skills - IELTS
Need Writing
or Editing Help?
Fill out one of these forms:

Graduate Writing / Editing:
GraduateWriter form ◳

Best Essay Service:
CustomPapers form ◳

Excellence in Editing:
Rose Editing ◳

AI-Paper Rewriting:
Robot Rewrite ◳

Academic AI Writer:
Custom AI Writer ◳