Please grade my essay out of 12 and give me some feedbacks. ( Icturn87, I really need your help)
Prompt 1
Think carefully about the issue presented in the following excerpt and the assignment below.
We are often told to "put on a brave face" or to be strong. To do this, we often have to hide, or at least minimize, whatever fears, flaws, and vulnerabilities we possess. However, such an emphasis on strength is misguided. What truly takes courage is to show our imperfections, not to show our strengths, because it is only when we are able to show vulnerability-or the capacity to be hurt-that we are genuinely able to connect with other people.
Assignment: Is it more courageous to show vulnerability than it is to show strength? Plan and write an essay in which you develop your point of view on this issue. Support your position with reasoning and examples taken from your reading, studies, experience, or observations.
Essay :
" Behind this mask there's more than flesh, behind this mask there are truths and truths are bulletproof ", so reckons V in Alan Moore's V For Vendetta vertigo comics. As for as human needs, desires and tendencies grow, people tend to veil their raw faces in order to make phobias, fears, deep emotions and weaknesses mysterious for others. Sometimes pretending to be strong and showing vigor while masking flaws is not only misleading when it comes to communication but also destructive because it's the stems of a huge collapse.
Showing strength is a trend used to hide people's lack of confidence, self-esteem and cowardice. From my experience, I learned so from my friendship with a guy who shows to all mates that he is bold, undefeated and brave. All school feared him and consider him as the ultimate guy. But, in a summer of my senior year in high school, we went in a trip and we camped in the forest. It's was an unforgettable experience that stripped away his masquerade. We discovered that he's a creepy, foolish and childish guy with muscles who feared from dark. It was really a nightmare for him but this experience revealed a lot about his real personality. We understood that showing vigor and strength is not at all courageous, but being open , making all clear and discussing fears and flaws is rather courageous. Finally, we are human being and we certainly have vulnerabilities as well as strength.
If we consider history and if we analyze facts in a broader perspective, we will certainly come across Soveit Union's last breaths. In the eve of its collapse in the mid 1985s, Soveit government seemed as strong, wealthy and politically stable as the U.S. Propaganda media depicts luxiourious surburs of Moscow and Leningraad, protray the economic prosperity and show the happiness the happiness of a country. But, in the inside Soveit Union was experiencing ethnic stife, political unrest and an economic plummet. The image was totally misleading and fake. It demonstrate Soveit officials' irresponsability and cowardice as they hide truths , shun facts and reality and couldn't face social dilemmas head on.Tragically, Soveit Union fall apart in 1991 and its countries shattered. Hidding truths has never been a boon but a fertile soil for eventual setbacks.
In summary, I can blurt that interacting with others, pouring out emotions and showing all is the mark of a bravery.
