IELTS; Letter to the course lecturer informing my inability to continue the course

You are employed full-time and also doing a part time evening course. You are not able to continue the course.
Write a letter to the course lecturer. In the letter
- explain why you cannot continue the course
- describe the situation
- say what you will be doing
Write at least 150 words.
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Dear Sir,
I have enrolled in the evening course being conducted by you in journalism, but regret to inform you that I will not be able to continue it further.

I am currently employed full time in a newspaper agency and this was the reason why I joined the course. Due to increase in work I have not been able to devote enough time for the course, because of which my grades have been slipping. I need to keep my job due to financial reasons and thus have to prioritize it over my studies. This is because I am the sole bread earner for my family.

Nevertheless, I would like to complete the course later, when I have justifiable time for it. Till then I would read through the course material by myself, as I am very keen to learn about journalism. I hope you would understand my situation and allow me to continue later.

Yours Sincerely,
George

Passive voice and wordy

Can be stated as the following:

I am enrolled in your evening journalism course, but regretfully I won't be able to continue.


Wordy

Can be stated as the following:

My current full-time employment at a newspaper agency compelled me to enroll in your journalism course. Unfortunately, my work load has increased. Therefore, I am unable to devote any time to studying; thus, the poor grades I am accumulating. Also, I must prioritize my job due to financial obligations as head of household.


Redundancy & Wordy

Can be stated as the following:

Nevertheless, at my convenience I would like to complete the course at a later date. However, until then I will read through the course material, because I am still very interested in journalism. I hope you will understand my situation and allow me a leave of absence to continue at a later time.