I just wrote this essay for my english class. I can't quite grasp what is wrong with it. Most of it sounds okay, though there seems to be some run on sentences that I can find. Please help!!!
The Courtroom
"Mr. Hanson, I am once again going to clarify to you the rules of my courtroom. You, as well as your client, are to remain unvoiced, unless you are given permission to speak. If and when permission is established, you will not be allowed to utter any crude remarks towards the prosecutor or anyone else affiliated with this case. If you refuse to comply with my rules again Mr. Hanson, I will hold you in contempt to court. Is that clear?"
"Yes, your honor!"
I sat in the back of the courtroom, just listening to the whispers of the prosecutor. I knew in my mind that they would let him out, I just knew it. Hundreds of horrible questions began flowing consistently through my mind. The hardest part was not knowing the answers to these life threatening questions. So, I waited for the judge to imply that our lawyer could be permitted to speak again.
"Mr. Hanson, I have reviewed this case many times, and yet there seems to still be so many missing pieces. You filed for dozens of appeals, though none of them were copied and sent to the Supreme Court. Our justice system runs on a strict organizational policy, and you are indeed interfering with it. Do you have the copies present with you today?"
"I do your honor. I did send the copies to your secretary, and she stated that they would arrive at the Supreme Court sometime this week. There must have been some sort of misunderstanding. I do apologize, your honor!"
"Mr. Hanson, please don't play a child with me. It is you that is at fault for the copies not being sent, not my secretary!"
I glanced over at Ivan, and gave him a confident smile and swept the tears from my eyes. He looked much more frightened than all of us. He had no idea what was going to come of this, and neither did I. If he indeed did get released, would I even get to see him? I tuned back into the lawyer's conversation with the judge.
"Mr. Hanson, do you have any witnesses that you would like to call to the stand?" questioned the judge.
"Yes, your honor, I would like to call Matthew Johnson to the stand." Implied our lawyer.
My hands immediately became soaked with sweat, and I began to shake. I was not warned that I was going to be called up. I didn't even know what to say. I didn't even attend the incident, I just heard about it from Ivan. I stirred across the heavily carpeted floor, and sat in the empty questioning chair.
"Can you please give us your full name?" Questioned the judge
"Matthew Curtis Johnson." I quickly replied
"How do you know Ivan Bradshaw?"
"We have been best friends, off and on, for about 5 years."
"Was Ivan ever a violent person towards you or anyone else?"
"Never did he imply any sort of violent act towards anyone. He's always been a relaxed solver, not a fighter."
"Can you just explain to us your perspective on the incident?"
"Yes, your honor. I was walking home from school, when I spotted Ivan roughly one hundred feet ahead of me, walking in my direction. He usually met me half after school, just about everyday. I saw an unpleasant grin on his face. So, I asked him what was out of order. He explained to me that Jake was again threatening him. This had been going on for many weeks, all because of Ivan's girlfriend. Though she wasn't at fault, Jake was just jealous, so he decided to take it out on Ivan. Ivan grasped his phone and persuaded me to glance at a text message sent from Jake. It questioned if Ivan would meet with him and discuss the situation at hand. Ivan was all for it, he thought it would be a good time to work things out."
"Sorry for the interruption, but did Ivan seem to have any weapons equipped?" Questioned the judge
"Not that I could see." I replied
"Okay, please continue!"
"So, after seeing the text message, Ivan asked me if I would attend the conversation with him. I truly wanted to, though I had a meeting that I absolutely had to attend. I walked along with him to Jake's house and turned back to begin my walk home. I wished him luck. After my meeting, I called Ivan to check up on the situation. He seemed delighted and of utmost happiness. I inquired if he would come over so we could talk more. I've always hated talking on the phone. He agreed. Once he arrived, I saw something I never wished to see. He had numerous abrasions to his face, head, and neck. He seemed somewhat dazed. I questioned of him what had happened. He told me that Jake shot him with a high velocity paint ball gun sever times. I was stricken with dismay. He then explained to me exactly what had happened. He stated that once he arrived at Jake's door, he rang the door bell and at that very second, Jake sprinted from the side of the house and pounded Ivan with a never ending line up of metallic blue paint balls. I asked him if he retaliated in any way. He said he did. Though, I didn't expect anything less. I would have done the same. Though, his retaliation is what worried me the most. I cleaned up his wounds and walked with him to his house. His parents were not yet home, so we jaunted to his room and began to listen to music. Music seems to calm Ivan down, which is what he needed, he seemed overly stressed. I didn't really think anything of the situation anymore; it seemed to be over with. We had been sitting there for about an hour and not yet received any bad news. Then, I got a call from my mother stating that I needed to come home. I said goodbye, gathered my things and left his house."
"Again, I am sorry for the interruption. Do you know if Ivan had anymore contact with Jake after the incident took place?" The judge inquired.
"No, he didn't seem to call him or text messaged him. Unless, he contacted him once I left, but that's what I'm getting to." I again replied.
"Sorry, you may continue."
"Okay! So, the very next day I was sitting in my fourth period class working on a community project when I saw one of Ivan's friends at the classrooms' arched doorway. She called me over, so I quickly shifted over to her. We began strolling down the long hallway, almost completely silent. It seemed very suspicious; it was almost as if she couldn't speak at all. I asked her what was wrong. She then explained to me that Ivan was placed in Juvie the previous night. I was entirely shocked. So, I waited fourteen days, until I finally reached the courtroom. And here I am!"
"Okay Matthew, you may take a seat in the back."
I never liked speaking in front of people, especially officials of this nature. Personally, I thought I did a pretty good job of interpreting my seeing of the story. I quietly sat and waited as the judge, the prosecutor, and our lawyer began to converse. I could barely hear the words they were speaking.
"Mr. Hanson...I understand the severity of this case...assault two...ten years in a state correctional facility...twenty four hour supervision...what do you say about that?"
The miss matched sentence began to worry me. From what it sounded, Ivan wasn't going to get out any time soon. My eyes filled with salty tears. Then, I heard something that lifted my spirit to a level of extreme satisfaction.
"Okay Ivan, here is what I have concluded. Since this case is so unorganized, I will give you the benefit of the doubt. I am going to allow you to be released today, though there will be strict boundaries set. First, you will not be allowed to come in contact with Jake Starmer at any time within the next six months. You will be required to attend school everyday, unless the absence is excused by your parent or guardian. And finally, you will be placed on twenty four hour adult supervision until the next court date is set. Do, you understand?"
"Yes, your honor!" Ivan replied with tear filled eyes.
I glanced over at Ivan's mother and smiled the most enormous smile I had ever released in my entire life. The judge ordered us to leave the courtroom and wait in the front office for Ivan. I quickly shuffled to my reunion and waited for my best friend to come out of what seemed like hell. I heard the heavy door open, and saw his friendly face appear in the room. His parents rushed over to him and crowded him with chants of aspiration. I waited for my turn. Once he was free, he slowly cantered over and opened his arms wide. I gave him a world of a hug. I then heard the awaited words that ended my depression, and set our friendship back in place.
"I love you bud!"
The Courtroom
"Mr. Hanson, I am once again going to clarify to you the rules of my courtroom. You, as well as your client, are to remain unvoiced, unless you are given permission to speak. If and when permission is established, you will not be allowed to utter any crude remarks towards the prosecutor or anyone else affiliated with this case. If you refuse to comply with my rules again Mr. Hanson, I will hold you in contempt to court. Is that clear?"
"Yes, your honor!"
I sat in the back of the courtroom, just listening to the whispers of the prosecutor. I knew in my mind that they would let him out, I just knew it. Hundreds of horrible questions began flowing consistently through my mind. The hardest part was not knowing the answers to these life threatening questions. So, I waited for the judge to imply that our lawyer could be permitted to speak again.
"Mr. Hanson, I have reviewed this case many times, and yet there seems to still be so many missing pieces. You filed for dozens of appeals, though none of them were copied and sent to the Supreme Court. Our justice system runs on a strict organizational policy, and you are indeed interfering with it. Do you have the copies present with you today?"
"I do your honor. I did send the copies to your secretary, and she stated that they would arrive at the Supreme Court sometime this week. There must have been some sort of misunderstanding. I do apologize, your honor!"
"Mr. Hanson, please don't play a child with me. It is you that is at fault for the copies not being sent, not my secretary!"
I glanced over at Ivan, and gave him a confident smile and swept the tears from my eyes. He looked much more frightened than all of us. He had no idea what was going to come of this, and neither did I. If he indeed did get released, would I even get to see him? I tuned back into the lawyer's conversation with the judge.
"Mr. Hanson, do you have any witnesses that you would like to call to the stand?" questioned the judge.
"Yes, your honor, I would like to call Matthew Johnson to the stand." Implied our lawyer.
My hands immediately became soaked with sweat, and I began to shake. I was not warned that I was going to be called up. I didn't even know what to say. I didn't even attend the incident, I just heard about it from Ivan. I stirred across the heavily carpeted floor, and sat in the empty questioning chair.
"Can you please give us your full name?" Questioned the judge
"Matthew Curtis Johnson." I quickly replied
"How do you know Ivan Bradshaw?"
"We have been best friends, off and on, for about 5 years."
"Was Ivan ever a violent person towards you or anyone else?"
"Never did he imply any sort of violent act towards anyone. He's always been a relaxed solver, not a fighter."
"Can you just explain to us your perspective on the incident?"
"Yes, your honor. I was walking home from school, when I spotted Ivan roughly one hundred feet ahead of me, walking in my direction. He usually met me half after school, just about everyday. I saw an unpleasant grin on his face. So, I asked him what was out of order. He explained to me that Jake was again threatening him. This had been going on for many weeks, all because of Ivan's girlfriend. Though she wasn't at fault, Jake was just jealous, so he decided to take it out on Ivan. Ivan grasped his phone and persuaded me to glance at a text message sent from Jake. It questioned if Ivan would meet with him and discuss the situation at hand. Ivan was all for it, he thought it would be a good time to work things out."
"Sorry for the interruption, but did Ivan seem to have any weapons equipped?" Questioned the judge
"Not that I could see." I replied
"Okay, please continue!"
"So, after seeing the text message, Ivan asked me if I would attend the conversation with him. I truly wanted to, though I had a meeting that I absolutely had to attend. I walked along with him to Jake's house and turned back to begin my walk home. I wished him luck. After my meeting, I called Ivan to check up on the situation. He seemed delighted and of utmost happiness. I inquired if he would come over so we could talk more. I've always hated talking on the phone. He agreed. Once he arrived, I saw something I never wished to see. He had numerous abrasions to his face, head, and neck. He seemed somewhat dazed. I questioned of him what had happened. He told me that Jake shot him with a high velocity paint ball gun sever times. I was stricken with dismay. He then explained to me exactly what had happened. He stated that once he arrived at Jake's door, he rang the door bell and at that very second, Jake sprinted from the side of the house and pounded Ivan with a never ending line up of metallic blue paint balls. I asked him if he retaliated in any way. He said he did. Though, I didn't expect anything less. I would have done the same. Though, his retaliation is what worried me the most. I cleaned up his wounds and walked with him to his house. His parents were not yet home, so we jaunted to his room and began to listen to music. Music seems to calm Ivan down, which is what he needed, he seemed overly stressed. I didn't really think anything of the situation anymore; it seemed to be over with. We had been sitting there for about an hour and not yet received any bad news. Then, I got a call from my mother stating that I needed to come home. I said goodbye, gathered my things and left his house."
"Again, I am sorry for the interruption. Do you know if Ivan had anymore contact with Jake after the incident took place?" The judge inquired.
"No, he didn't seem to call him or text messaged him. Unless, he contacted him once I left, but that's what I'm getting to." I again replied.
"Sorry, you may continue."
"Okay! So, the very next day I was sitting in my fourth period class working on a community project when I saw one of Ivan's friends at the classrooms' arched doorway. She called me over, so I quickly shifted over to her. We began strolling down the long hallway, almost completely silent. It seemed very suspicious; it was almost as if she couldn't speak at all. I asked her what was wrong. She then explained to me that Ivan was placed in Juvie the previous night. I was entirely shocked. So, I waited fourteen days, until I finally reached the courtroom. And here I am!"
"Okay Matthew, you may take a seat in the back."
I never liked speaking in front of people, especially officials of this nature. Personally, I thought I did a pretty good job of interpreting my seeing of the story. I quietly sat and waited as the judge, the prosecutor, and our lawyer began to converse. I could barely hear the words they were speaking.
"Mr. Hanson...I understand the severity of this case...assault two...ten years in a state correctional facility...twenty four hour supervision...what do you say about that?"
The miss matched sentence began to worry me. From what it sounded, Ivan wasn't going to get out any time soon. My eyes filled with salty tears. Then, I heard something that lifted my spirit to a level of extreme satisfaction.
"Okay Ivan, here is what I have concluded. Since this case is so unorganized, I will give you the benefit of the doubt. I am going to allow you to be released today, though there will be strict boundaries set. First, you will not be allowed to come in contact with Jake Starmer at any time within the next six months. You will be required to attend school everyday, unless the absence is excused by your parent or guardian. And finally, you will be placed on twenty four hour adult supervision until the next court date is set. Do, you understand?"
"Yes, your honor!" Ivan replied with tear filled eyes.
I glanced over at Ivan's mother and smiled the most enormous smile I had ever released in my entire life. The judge ordered us to leave the courtroom and wait in the front office for Ivan. I quickly shuffled to my reunion and waited for my best friend to come out of what seemed like hell. I heard the heavy door open, and saw his friendly face appear in the room. His parents rushed over to him and crowded him with chants of aspiration. I waited for my turn. Once he was free, he slowly cantered over and opened his arms wide. I gave him a world of a hug. I then heard the awaited words that ended my depression, and set our friendship back in place.
"I love you bud!"