Unanswered [1] | Urgent [0]
  

Home / Writing Feedback   % width Posts: 2

Criminalism and various measures to lower this anomaly


restuanlubis 4 / 7  
Apr 25, 2017   #1
QUESTION: Many offenders commit more crimes after serving the first punishment. Why is this happening and what the measures can be taken to tackle this problem?

an effective solution for very important issue



Criminalism still exist in almost countries in the world. In contrast, if a country established a well-standard sentence, it might happen. It is no doubt that many crime agents commit more crime after got the first sentence. I personally convince that this notion and claimed had caused by the lack of sentence standard. Hence, improving the punishment of quality can deter this problem.

The lack of standard in prison tend to generated resistant villain - a crime agent does not afraid of punishment so result in offender again. According to some news that I read, they had a resistant to prison because it preserving an enjoyed there. As a result, they did not feel some punishments, after got the punishment they will come to natural behavior. Taking my friend, Mr. Swandy who was a robber wallet as an example. He reveals to me after he caught, a prison is a comfortable place, everything basic necessary was preserving there. In fact, after got the sentence over 2 weeks, he robbers a laptop again.

Improving and adding punishment quality is the best way to tackle the problem. Reliance on the evidence, a significant effect of deterring this problem is enhancing sentence. In term of pretty crime, many countries give equal with the heavy of crime. Imprison offender during 3 months is common punishment for petty crime such robber. Hence, a national government might create or increase the punishment standard make longer stay in the prison and create a physic punishment like cut off man's hand as punishment for stealing - a sentence already had established in the kingdom of Arab Saudi, effective to reduce robbing cases.

All in all, reliance on the evidence, the lack of sentence standard will trigger or made a resistance characteristic to an offender committed the crime. On the other hand, Improving and adding punishment estimate an effective solution that carried out by the government.

akbarmappiare 31 / 469 275  
Apr 25, 2017   #2
Hi Restu, I have read your essay closely and a few problems in yours.
As we see, you presented an introductory sentence. However, you created the sentence with a clear grammar error. If you wanna get a high score, you are supposed to impress reviewers in the first sentence. You made the basic grammar mistake, verb agreement. Please, double check your sentences to reduce your mistakes so that you accustom.

For your body first paragraph, on condition that I read this, I feel that that is not completed because you close your paragraph with an example. You should restate your opinion to strengthen your paragraph. It seemed the odd sentence because the reviewers have difficulty to get the point of the example given. In the second body paragraph, your flow is so messy. The reviewers will get confused because you explained your idea unsystematically. After that, you should harness proper linking words as well as possible so that you can guide the reviewer understand your essay.

Last, to make a conclusion, you restate your thesis statement in the last paragraph. Following this, you can add suggestions to complete your conclusion paragraph. Keep in your mind that the good paragraph has at least three sentences.

Hopefully, those can help you for finalizing this essay


Home / Writing Feedback / Criminalism and various measures to lower this anomaly