Please grade my TOEFL task 2 essay
Do you agree or disagree with the following statement?
Dancing plays an important role in a culture. Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer.
Dancing is so much more than an art form, but it's an integral part of any culture. Through a series of rhythmic body movements people express themselves and their unique culture. I am in agreement with the statement that dancing has an important role in a culture, mainly because: it embodies the culture's unique history, in addition to it being unique.
Firstly, a country's traditional dance wasn't choreographed over a night, but developed over several historical events. The dance signifies many moments in the nation's history, as if it is telling a story. For example, the Egyptian horse dance tells us many things about the history of the locals. Historically, the horse has been embedded in most of their life aspects, and there is a clear connection between the horse and his master. On inspection, you will see that the connection between the former and the latter is not of mere submission but rather a collaboration of some sort.
On the other hand, traditional body movements are unique to each country. It is a form of expression that is specific to its people, no folkloric sway is similar to another. For instance, the Ukrainian and Polish dances may seem very similar at first glance, given that the two nations share a border, and a lot of history together seems as a reasonable justification. However, to the trained eye they are completely unalike, the Ukrainian dance has much more leaps in it than the Polish one, while the second includes more partner dances. So, even though they may stem from the same roots, they are entirely unique.
In conclusion, time-honored dances are a part of human history. They tell a story about a nation's history and ways, and they are a unique form of expression. For all the preceding reasons I find the notion of dancing having an important role in a culture to be agreeable. Next time you meet someone from a different place, ask him about his people's classical dance, you will indeed learn a lot.
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Try to avoid using contractions in your academic writing presentations. Always spell out the 2 words necessary to deliver the thought. So "wasn't" should be "was not". It is just a matter of respecting the reader and also, showing that you know how to write formally, using proper English writing instructions.
Since you are not discussing an opinion contrary to the first one presented in the second paragraph, it should not be kicked off by saying "On the other hand". That phrase is only used when discussing 2 opposing statements. Which is why it is paired with the reference "On the one hand" for the first presentation. It indicates differing points of view rather than a continuing and supporting discussion in the next paragraph.
Good work just the same. You stayed on topic and supported your discussion with relevant and impressive explanations / examples. This shows a great degree of English comprehension abilities on your part, which made the presentation engaging and informative to read. That skill will definitely help your score in the actual test.
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