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Data regarding population structure by age and gender riding bicycles in a particular town in 2011



studyingabroad 5 / 10  
Aug 28, 2020   #1

the population by age groups who rode bicycles



Answer:
The given chart presents data regarding population structure by age and gender riding bicycles in a particular town in 2011.

Overall, the 0-9 group made up the largest proportion while those in middle-aged became the least to take part in this activity. The major percentage in the male section was approximately as high as one in females.

Concerning females, children under 10 years old accounted for 51.4 percent. The second rank was the juvenile group, with the rate 42.2 percent and then the proportion of cyclists reaching adulthood was 17.1 percent. Also, 18.5 percent is the portion for the senior class. The left number of people under 60 years old was the lowest, accounting for more than one-tenth in total.

Among males, the percentage of boys younger than 10 years old was slightly lower than girls at the same age and reached about 50.3 percent. Next, the teenagers from 10-17 years old attain the same rank as its counterpart but just under a quarter of this sex cycled in this age while it was nearly half of girls who engaged in this outdoor activity. When it came to the older group, it could be seen that adults were not active in cycling, at about 9.7 percent. Similar to women at the same age, 40-59-year-old group was deemed the lowest proportion, with 8 percent; besides, seniors achieved only 13.2 percent respectively.


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KurekoHikari 4 / 8  
Aug 28, 2020   #2
Ok, so the first problem i noticed is in your over view. Please say "0-9 year-old group" instead of 0-9 group.
The other thing you can fix is your transitional phrases, right now they are too simple, consider : "moreover, additionally, furthermore,...."
Also, you don't have to give the detailed number percentage on everything, it makes it really boring for the reader, try paraphrasing it, like: one-third, one-tenth, half, a minute amount of, the majority of,....

Other than that you essay seems pretty solid
OP studyingabroad 5 / 10  
Aug 28, 2020   #3
@KurekoHikari
could you kindly give some comments about my grammar range? I think I'm quite bad at grammar.


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