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"writing task II" people replace cars --- riding bicycles. In other cities, people prefer

RezaAnandatama17 8 / 14 3  
Aug 20, 2016   #1
In some cities in the world, people replace cars --- riding bicycles. In other cities, people prefer to use cars rather than bicycles. What are the reasons for this development ? Give your opinion

Cycling as the best form for an alternative exercise, these days, becomes popular. Such phenomenon leads to more and more citizens using the mentioned vehicle. While I argue that this view brings advantages, since we are treated by sedentary lifestyle which should be overcome, I also claim that riding bicycle offers congestion-free road traffic which benefits for busy people.

Keeping health is the one that people should take into their account and cycling every day can help them to prevent some of disease. A recent study from Leeds University, in 2015, informed society that utilizing bicycle regularly can help their body releasing toxins. Such beneficial activity is also powerful to decline stress. Therefore, aforementioned evidence is the reason why people are bound to ride bicycle in their daily activities.

A part from previous idea, with concern to manage time well, busy people rides such vehicle in order to avoid traffic jam on the road. Recently, CNN has reported seven out of ten commuters in developed countries cycling with regard to spend their time in the road properly. As result of this, cycling bringing a lot of merits is valued for societies including busy people.

In conclusion, as dwellers live in sedentary lifestyle and among busy traffic. They prevent those problems by riding bicycle in their daily activities. It is imperative that such beneficial activity should be followed by others across the globe.

Wolf Larsen - / 127 47  
Aug 20, 2016   #2
Hello RezaAnandatama17

Your text will sound much more refined (stylistically) if you rewrite some of the sentences as suggested below:

Cycling [...], as the alternative way of getting around, is now becoming increasingly popular with more and more people.
Such phenomenon [...] this sentence is redundant.. you should consider removing it.
While I argue [...] In my opinion, cycling is indeed beneficial in a variety of different ways. For example, this particular method of transportation naturally endorses its affiliates to lead a healthy lifestyle. It also helps to keep road traffic uncongested.

Keeping health [...] Riding bicycles allows people to stay in good physical shape.
A recent study [...] According to the 2015 study... by indulging in the concerned activity, individuals are able to keep their bodies toxin-free.
Such beneficial [...] Cycling also helps people to cope with stress.
in their daily activities .[...] no need for this.
A part from [...] Moreover, bike riders will never end up stuck in traffic jams.
seven out of ten commuters [...] prefer to use bicycles.
As result of this [...] This once again confirms the sheer beneficence of riding bicycles for people.
as dwellers live [...], They prevent [...] these two sentences do not make much sense... I'm not sure what you're trying to say.
It is imperative [...] important to encourage people to consider cycling, as the alternative method of transportation.

I hope this helped. Regards.

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