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IELTS writing task 2 - These days, more and more people move away from the area where they were born

Silviotto 1 / -  
Mar 7, 2024   #1
Hello, can you please rate my writing skills as band scores?

These days, more and more people move away from the area where they were born and brought up when they become adults.

Do the advantages of this development outweigh the disadvantages?

Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

Nowadays an increasing number of adults are migrating from the place they were born and grew up, and in my personal opinion there is more pros than cons on this trend.

There can be a lot of reasons behind a person moving to a different place, but it usually involves an economic reason, whether to find a job, better working conditions or higher salaries.

However, despite knowing why someone wants to move, there is no doubt people will carry their personal experiences from the previous place of living to the new one, and I think that those ways of living and thinking will melt with the different lifestyles of the people in the new place, resulting in a personal growth from both perspectives. For example, when I moved from my small town of less than five thousand people to a town forty times bigger to study, I suddenly found myself in a new urban scenery, and this experience really helped me to grow as a person and to understand that as humans we can adapt to live in extremely different contexts, while explaining to my friends born in that city how life was in the countryside.

On the other hand, this migration process is causing a size reduction of smaller towns, creating bigger disparities between cities growing in numbers and small towns shrinking in population, but in my opinion this trend is natural and it follows the natural process of concentrating resources in one place, resulting in overall progress as a society.

In conclusion, to me the advantages for people of moving away from the area they were born outweigh the disadvantages, both for the singular person and society.
Holt  Educational Consultant - / 14,801 4780  
Mar 10, 2024   #2
The word count is within an acceptable number. However, the essay itself is not well written nor developed. The prompt paraphrase and writer's opinion is not in an acceptable paragraph form as it is a run on sentence. There should be at least 3 stand alone sentences in that paragraph comprised of:

1. Restatement
2. Writer's opinion
3. Reason for the writer's opinion

Reading the body paragraphs, I have to say that the idea presentations are not properly executed. The sentences are often run-on or merely stating information without developing the explanation. These problems exist for most of the paragraphs which will lead the essay to be scored based upon an under developed idea presentation. It is a failing score presentation.

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