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IELTS Writing Task 2 - Debatable Issue of Genetic Engineering

ditoaji 5 / 7 2  
Sep 18, 2017   #1
Topic :
Genetic engineering is one of the issue in modern society. Some people think that it will improve people's live in many ways. Other feel that it may be a threat to life on earth.

Discuss both view and give your opinion.

genetics in human life

Considering the number of possible impacts on modifying genes, today's communities start debating about this topic. While an improvement is believed by some, others likely argue to this as it would threaten the future. World's livestock and availability of foods would be a major breakthrough but neither safety factor nor environmentally aspect of its several products.I personally agree that the method offers several benefits to people under a certain condition.

Investment in science and technology has now improved modern people's quality of live.

The presence of transferred genes is one of the best example of this. Practically, people enjoy living under a large number of livestock owing to the fact that genetic engineering reduces time of animals and plants productivity. As seen in early twenties centuries Australia successfully gives a remedy to a problem of give-birth cows in mostly cattle farms using cloning method.Furthermore,a typical of difficult cultivation produces seedless watermelon could be a possible benefits, in addition to fulfill the huge number of market demands.However, do those product considered both healthy aspect and environmental damages in the future?

A majority of people come up against with healthy and environment issue. Citizens tend to be more concern about keeping their body fit by consuming organic dietary than those whose genes are mostly modified so that council should provide the agreement of the legal products.Initially,the letter of commodity is authorized and signed up by the government within safety labels at the end.Another pivotal role is environment in which many genetic engineering may use the tremendous amount of chemical substances to fertilize the plantation. This attitude inevitably would pay substantial damages to crops on earth as the soil is no longer prolific.

To sum up, a debatable issue with regard to the usage of genetic engineering in technology for providing more foods may cost harmful to the world. This is because the method offers many dangerous possibilities on people's health and environment.However, government could give this technology access to people around the world safely to register a legal authorization on the product, so that the advantages remain the rest.

MelindaLinda 2 / 4  
Sep 19, 2017   #2
You have introduced your opinion in the beginning of your essay, but you haven't expanded it at all. You have just discussed the two sides presented in the task.
Holt  Educational Consultant - / 10,117 3263  
Sep 19, 2017   #3
Dian, the essay itself does not offer a coherent and cohesive representation of the required prompt discussion. I found myself highly confused by the overall essay because your sentence structure and grammar usage is far below the intermediate level of writing in English. The overall written work that you produced is really bad. It doesn't help to reflect your writing in the best light. Each sentence that you wrote suffers in terms of delivering a clear line of thinking or reasoning. Your ability to use English words in a manner that would provide a clear insight into your thoughts and opinions is faulty. At thing point, the confusing paragraph presentations are not the only problem of your essay.

The main problem that your essay has is that it does not discuss the two points of view and then a personal opinion from you. While you indicated a reference to that in your first paragraph, you did not accomplish that in the discussion paragraphs. I believe all of these problems occurred because you tried to impress the examiner with your knowledge of the topic instead of simply discussing the essay from a layman's point of view. That means, you could have used simple everyday information that is known to most people in the writing of your essay. However, you opted to sound like an authority instead by using what you hoped were impressive English words and terms which ended up backfiring because you did not know how to properly develop the discussion using the words that you decided to include in the essay.

Overall, I would not score this essay in order not to affect your confidence. I will tell you this however, you need to address the mistakes that I pointed out above if you hope to get a better score during your next round of practice essay writing.
hgianghgiang 7 / 14 3  
Sep 20, 2017   #4
Your essay is quite confusing to follow since it is packed with advanced vocabulary but failed to be coherent.
The introduction didnt state that you will discuss both sides (which is required in the question).
The body paragraphs only support one side. And please don't ask questions in IELTS writing.
Wakalanud 3 / 7 3  
Sep 20, 2017   #5
hay @ditoaji

I think this "World's livestock and availability of ..." sentence quite confusing and it is hard to understand especially for this sentence but neither safety factor nor environmentally aspect of its several products

A majority of people come [...] to crops on earth, as the soil is no longer prolific. this paragraph does not answer for the second clues. ever since, the prompt asking about the Other feel that it may be a threat to life on earth. or we can say "what negative side can effect the living creature in the earth.

As seen in early twenties centuries, Australia successfully....... need comma after the centuries

Furthermore,a typical of difficult (...) a possible benefits, in addition to ... this sentence is not really good and clear enough to express your thought.

While an improvement is believed by some, who is the some that you mention it? Please avoiding the ambiguity word, better if you directly mentioned the person, etc.

those products

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