The debate on whether enterprises should value appearance, or the work performance of the laborers

Writing Task 2: appearance or quality of work?

Some organizations believe that their employees should dress smartly. Others value quality of work above appearance. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.
Give reasons for your answers and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge experience.

There is much debate on whether enterprises should value appearance or the work performance of the laborers. In my point of view, I hold the belief that both criterion have their own bright sides.

In a world that is increasingly interested in beauty, dressing appropriately opens up many opportunities for the employees. To begin with, individuals who wear professional attire may have a higher chance to get successful transactions. Because people often feel pleasant to beauty and gorgeous appearance easily makes a good impression on the customers. In addition, dressing smartly is also one of the best ways to show the specialist of the workers. This would result in the fact that companies gain a higher trust and more definite commitment from the clients.

On the other hand, the efficiency of workers also brings numerous advantages to the enterprises. Firstly, there are many staff who can bring value and create annual profit to the company just based on their highly specialized skill. For instance, architects or IT experts often wear casual clothes whenever they work at home, meanwhile the outcomes of the products remain effective. Secondly, well-qualified employees help the operator system of the company take place more stably and efficiently. Because laborers with advanced skills supervise the work more meticulously and make fewer mistakes compared to those who lack professional skills.

To sum up, I totally agree that the efficiency of workers plays a crucial role in the success of the company. Nevertheless, dressing professionally also creates many opportunities for the career of the workers and helps expand many relationships.

The prompt restatement immediately shows an inaccurate usage of words based on synonym unfamiliarity. The word off concern is "laborer" meaning a person who uses his physical strength to complete his work. An "employee" is different from a laborer in the sense that an employee uses him mental abilities to accomplish a task. The more appropriate synonym would have been "office worker".

The discussion format is also incorrect in the body paragraphs as the essay no longer explains both public opinions first, then the personal opinion of the writer second. It disregards the original writing instructions in favor the writer's sole opinion for all discussion points. The writer also shows improper use of conjuctions as there are sentences in the essay that begin with conjuctions. a writing style not allowed in English academic writing.

@Holt
I'm still confused about the format you said. Does it mean to correct it, I should combine the public opinion and personal opinion together or I should write the personal opinion first?

Nevertheless, dressing professionally also creates ...-> u use nevertheless but it does not have the main clause