IELTS writing---ability and appearance in the work

2A in the work (ability and appearance)

As the world continues to increase in complexity, the employment issue is becoming more and more obvious and it has triggered a wide public concern and discussion. There is no denying that the ability and appearance are the chief factors in the work.

Having a good capability could make the workers being highly organized and efficient. But having a good communication also ask the workers have good manners and behavior. At the same time nobody could deny that the attractive person is easier to get more opportunities.

But don't judge a book by its cover, this maxim, like many others, should not be taken in its absolute form. Though most of us advocate keen acumen and not judging by appearance, most still unconsciously make this mistake. This problem is especially challenging for university graduates searching for a job. First impression is half way to a attaining the job in an interview, and appearance plays a prominent role in it. However, many people are missing what's the truly important aspect of finding a job --- work skills. Though appearance is important, employers are more likely to lean towards good working habits, because they want someone that they can depend on for getting the work done, not just for pleasing the eyes. People should boast their working skills by hard working, getting to know the world, and trying to have good relationships with others, and not squandering their precious time deciding what to look like in front of the boss.

As the world continues to increase in complexity , ïźˆIn the complex worldïź‰the employment issue is becoming more and more obvious and it has triggered a wide public concern and discussion. There is no denying that the ability and appearance are the chief factors in the work (job-hunting).

Having a good capability could make the workers being highly organized and efficient. But having a good communication also ask the workers have good manners and behavior. At the same time nobody could deny that the attractive person is easier to get more opportunities.

But don't judge a book by its cover, this maxim, like many others, should not be taken in its absolute form. Though most of us advocate keen acumen and not judging by appearance, most still unconsciously make this mistake. This problem is especially challenging for university graduates searching for a job. First impression is half way to a attaining (attain)the job in an interview, and appearance plays a prominent role in it. However, many people are missing what's the truly important aspect of finding a job --- work skills. Though appearance is important, employers are more likely to lean towards good working habits, because they want someone that they can depend on for getting the work done, not just for pleasing the eyes. People should boast their working skills by hard working, getting to know the world, and trying to have good relationships with others, and not squandering their precious time deciding what to look like in front of the boss.

Just some tips
and your structure is not clear,
1 intro
2,3,4 body(topic sentence+ detail)
5 conclusion

....employment issues are becoming more and more obvious and complicated and they have drawn attention of many concerned parties.


This sentence is loosely connected with the previous one. Actually your topic does not ask for reasons for such issues. It is asking what has more weight at the work place. Is it the appearance or the ability?