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Describe charts which give information about two genres of TV programmes watched by men and women


unbreakable 1 / -  
Apr 21, 2016   #1
The bar graphs compare the proportions of male and female at four different age groups in Australia watching two types of TV programmes.

The most striking feature is that fewer males watching reality shows than femals, meanwhile, the number of males and female watching game shows are nearly the same. It is also noticeable that the higher age groups have the higher rates of people watching reality shows, compared to various change in the other.

There is a considerable number of women watching reality shows on TV, at 70 %, while the proportion of men only comprises one half. In terms of game shows, the figure for male increases significantly which is nearly equal with female ar around 60%

The youngest age group of the chart has the smallest number of people watching reality shows at over 50%. The figures for the next consecutive age groups grow gradually to 70% for the over 45s. However, the 16-24s and over 45s watching game shows figures reach a plateau, compared to the other. By contrast, the 25-34s and 35-45s fell sharply to about over 40%



suxiaojing 13 / 18 7  
Apr 21, 2016   #2
Hi

My suggestion is introducing the useful infromation of one chart, then move to the another,which can make your task 1 more understandable.

If you want to compare these two bar charts, you can give your comparison in the last paragraph, which can be used to conclude your task 1.

Also, there are some grammatical mistakes, like:
The most striking feature is that fewer males watching reality shows than femals

However, the 16-24s and over 45s watching game [...] 35-45s fell sharply to about over 40%

you can express like this :

The proportions of four age groups watching games shows are followed in a such sequence: over 45(70%), 16-24 year olds(50%),35-44 year olds(40%) and 25-34 year olds(merely 28%)

Hope that can help you !
tria25 12 / 19 4  
Apr 22, 2016   #3
hello unbreakable,
I'm happy to read the good writing like this, yet let me help you to make a little improvement by giving some suggestion as follows:

1. It is better for you to say bar charts not bar graphs because as I know that graph is for line (line graph) and chart is for bar and pie (bar chart and pie chart)

2. Both IELTS writing task 1 and task 2 have almost same structure for first paragraph. they containt of paraphrase (rewrite the question in different words) and thesis statement. therefore, it is better for you to put your thesis statement in the initial paragraph.

3. watch your incorrect spelling (femals --> females)

4. avoid redundancy! don't use the same word in one sentence. The examiner will see your ability to paraphrasing the words.
It is also noticeable that the higher age groups have the higher rates of people watching reality shows,.......

5. It is better for you to make to bodies of essay (combined the first and second body).
As a result, the grouping idea is like this:

body 1: the precentage of males and females watching the reality show (grouping by gender)
body 2: grouping by age (look at the fluctuated and upward trends)

It is only suggestion, and hopefully it will be useful for you.
warm regard
Mimi07 9 / 15 2  
Apr 22, 2016   #4
Hi unbreakable
I feel difficult to understand your essay completely. I would like to give you some advices, and hope these will be helpful for you IELTS writing enhancement.

There are 3 part paragraph in the Task 1: introduction, body 1, and body 2.

In the first paragraph, you must mention the overview, it will be help you. This overview will be the main idea for second and third paragraph.

"It is noticeable that female show the high percentage than male on watch reality show over the age group. In contrast, male present large percentage than woman on watch game show especially male at 45+,"


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