Used electric piano
A second-hand thing which I own is an electric piano. Actually, its first owner is a pianist and he used to play the piano but now he doesn't. I bought it last month and he discounted gradually for me. Fortunately, I could afford it even though it is a second-hand electric piano, it was made by Kawaii, probably one of the most trustable piano manufacture. The electric piano is just absolutely convenient for me because I can plug in my headphones without bothering anyone. Furthermore, it does sound beautiful and as hearing as a grand piano although the touch is not quite emotional at all. Overall, I love my piano and happily, I can afford it myself without lending my parent's money. On these quarantine days, I will try my best to practice my favourite song.
- I'm practising for my speaking/writing skill for the ielts essay, please help me!
@tandlvn2003
I think you need more practice on grammar and vocabulary. Regarding style, if you are preparing for speaking then this is OK but for writing, you should try to write more logically and use more formal language. There are some grammatical mistake in your paragraph:
- "Used to" means something you did in the past and you no longer do it now so you don't have to say "but now he doesn't"
- "Discounted gradually" is not accurate. I think it means the more you buy, the larger the discount. Use an English dictionary to check for word meaning and collocation
"as hearing as"; "emotional" "lending" are not accurate in meaning too.
- You have an adjective and adverb problem: sound beautifully; the touch is not quite.....(an adjective)
Holt Educational Consultant - / 15461 When you write descriptive essays, try to avoid the use of word fillers. For example, the word "Actually" does not really help create the sense of the statement. You could have a more concise presentation by starting with "Its first owner..." instead. Don't use words that would make it appear like you are not sure of what you are saying. Kawaii is one of the world's most well known first class piano manufacturers.
Don't say "probably one". Just say "one", you have to give the reader a sense that you take pride in what you own. When you say "probably" that is somewhat indicating that you are not very proud of the item that you own.
Again, avoid word fillers because it only adds to the word count but not the importance of the sentence discussion. "absolutely convenient" would have more of an impact on the reader if you said "convenient" alone. It conveys a sense of confidence in what you are writing.
Am not sure what you mean by "not quite emotional". As a fellow pianist, I know that the emotion of the music comes from the way we approach the keys while playing. It comes from the tempo and harmony between the pedal and the keys. So that sentence lacks clarity and does not inform the reader in a clear manner.
Avoid the use of conjunctions in your sentences. Remember, you have to get used to writing academically so spell it out at all times. Never use casual or slang English. It is never "doesn't" but rather, "does not".
The seller did not gradually discount the piano for you. Perhaps he allowed you to buy it on installment? That means he allowed you to pay for the piano over a given period of time before he turned the item over to you. Kawaii is not a piano manufacture, the company is a piano manufacturer. By the way, you afforded the piano without borrowing money from your parents. To borrow money, in this instance, means to to borrow (money) with the intention of returning the same plus interest. Lending means to let out (money) for temporary use on condition of repayment with interest. Since you did not let out money to your parents and instead, they let out money to you, there was no lending on your part, only borrowing.
Vocabulary usage in the proper context is important. Make sure you are using the word in the proper definition otherwise, you will have heavy points deductions during the actual test under the LR and GRA sections. Familiarize yourself with word meanings. Read a diction from A-Z and try to remember the meaning of the words so you can use it in the proper context. Watch more American or British shows, take note of unfamiliar words and look up the meaning. That way you will be able to build your roster of English vocabulary.
