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IELTS task 2: Developed nation should tackle refugee problem

ratree 3 / 11  
Mar 31, 2011   #1
Please check my writing for my IELTS.your any kind of appropriate suggestion will be appreciated.I'm looking for band 7 in my IELTS writing.so please also suggest how could I improve my writing for IELTS.

IELTS Task 2: Academic
One of the major problems facing the world today is the growing number of refugees. Developed nation of the world should tackle this problem by taking more refugees. To what extend do you agree or disagree? Use your own idea, knowledge and view.

The number of refugees has grown to the point where truly it is a global problem and affects all of the nations. To solve this problem it is agreed that developed countries should help by allowing high level of immigration.

To escape from conflict, persecution and natural catastrophes, millions of refugees seek asylum to overdeveloped countries. One principal reason of why rich developed nations should permit more refugees is that it is a humanitarian issue because they suffer from hunger, ill health, security threat, and unemployment. Moreover, irrefutably world agitation and economical crisis both are linked with refugee problems as well as the refugees are creating chaos throughout the world for the protection of their existence. Thereby, civilized nations, by giving them a chance of settlement, can establish economical stability and world peace.

In addition, Host countries also receive indispensable benefits by allowing more refugees emigration. The newly Immigrants not only can contribute to the diversity of that society, which can help with tolerance and understanding but also immigrants offer an increased talent pool which is help to enhance host country's economy.

However, it is argued that it is not an open and shut case as there are numerous dire consequences of mass emigration. The multicultural experiments have not always been succeeding in Europe and emigrants have often suffered badly from racism and others prejudices. Furthermore, fugitives can also attract criminal elements, from trafficking in drugs and people to other forms of crime and corruption.

To sum up it is clearly seen that for host countries, refugee migration is not only create few problems but also they need support to survive. So, overdeveloped nations should agree to give them shelter.It is recommended that the whole world should work together to solve the prolems which create emigration.
lfdz 4 / 31  
Apr 2, 2011   #2
'One of the major problems facing the world today is the growing number of refugees'

Correction: The world is actually facing many problems, such as the incredibly number of refugees, which keeps growing continually..
butterbescotch 6 / 41  
Apr 3, 2011   #3
It also increases the industrial power since you can make the refugees to work.
EF_Susan - / 2,364 12  
Apr 3, 2011   #4
how could I improve my writing for IELTS.

I think I know the answer to this question! Google around about this: critical thinking, logical fallacies

If you get very good at critical thinking, you will be able to do well with whatever essay prompt you see. For a good book, google this: critical thinking, , nosich, asking the right questions

...should help by allowing high levels of immigration.

...seek asylum in developed countries. ----I don't think you need to write "overdeveloped."

Do not capitalize unless it is the first word of the sentence or a proper noun:
In addition, Host host countries also receive...

However, it is argued that it is not an open and shut case... people to other forms of crime and corruption.----It is good that you used this paragraph to talk about the other point of view. However, at the end of this paragraph you should tell why your opinion is still more accurate than this opinion.

To sum up it is clearly seen clear that for host countries, refugee migration is not only something that creates few problems but also an opportunity for them to gain the support they need to survive.

I don't know how the test is scored or if you can get a 7, but I think your writing is at a very high level with just a few mistakes. Keep practicing!
hafsa abid 4 / 40  
Apr 7, 2011   #5
i am hafsa and i am really grateful to you for your suggestion

i am your junior and your respect is due for me...you have written a best essay....no doubt....but when i think on the topic....it really seems to me that refugee problem for undeveloped countries is largely ignored by developed ones...this world is highly selfish...and the truth is...they damn care...may i know....do you think so?
OP ratree 3 / 11  
Apr 8, 2011   #6
hi hafsa,
thanks for your appriciation. To some extant I agree with you.Now in this world what are we seeing? Some of the refugees number are going to be high due to the action of developed countries , for their conflict with other countries specially with underdeveloped countries like Iraq, Afganistan, Libya. However, developed countries also help a lot by giving them shelter.

Hope its clear now

hafsa abid 4 / 40  
Apr 9, 2011   #7
yeah they do...i agree...the country to which i belong...Pakistan... is some kind of different case...we can neither call it developed nor undeveloped....but its still playing a role in accommodating refugees from other countries...
ekekek 25 / 51  
Apr 11, 2011   #8

personally, too many sentenses begin with "To..." or "The...", maybe you should make your sentenses more changable~

don't be frustrated~~ keep going~~ ^0^

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