Development communities usually utilize young adults to work for them

Adult youths are often called up for working for the development of communities. Do you think they should work voluntarily or should they get paid? Give your opinion

Development communities usually utilize adult young to work with them. Youth can work voluntarily or they can get salary from that activity. In my perspective, communities for development must pay them because youth spend their energy and time to work. Although only less money which is given as its salary, but it is a form of appreciation toward service from young people to this organizations.

Most of youth purpose in development organizations is not to earn much money but they must get paid for their energy which they put to manage this community. Actually, young people are able to use their energy to do other activities and perhaps they can earn much more money from other jobs. However, because of people soul are called to help each other in development communities, they are willing to use their energy for working there even though they only get less salary. Taking data from United Nation in 2015, 67% people who work in development organizations receive if they are paid with small salary. Therefore, these communities must appreciate adult youths energy with give them money.

Another reason, young people spend their precious time to think and arrange these communities. Based on the data from International Human Rights Organizations in 2016, most of young employees who work in organizations of development give 58% of their life time to focus on their job. This activity reduces their time for studying or having fun with their peers. Thus, why they must be paid is because they diminish their feeling to hang out or play. Whereas they are paid with less value of money, but this can support them to work maximal in this community.

To sum up, youth people who are employed in development communities should be paid. It is because they spend their energy and time to work there and this money is used to appreciate them.

Meireza, using fake facts in actual test is not suggested. If you keep practicing by using them, the pressure of the exam would make you write fake "false/irrelevant" facts like what you have written in this essay. Why should United Nation conduct a survey related to people who work in certain organisation? Mentioning United Nation is too general, perhaps you can specifically mention certain branch of UN that concerns in people's salary. As you can see, Wikipedia mentioned that The United Nations (UN) is an intergovernmental organization to promote international co-operation. Thus, my suggestion is that "relevant" facts do not have to be taken from a survey, instead, a real example from the news would be more helpful. Otherwise, you can just give some examples that are generally known by most people. This feedback is addressed to both body paragraphs that you've written.

Additionally, try to learn more about collocation. Some of your sentences are still ambiguous. When people read this "...people soul are called...", they will think that "their souls are called?" "are you kidding me?" "Did they die?". It is quite silly isn't it? Perhaps you can rephrase the sentence by concerning the appropriate collocation like this:

However, those young people have a great tendency to help each other, it is their desire to use their energy to work there even the salary is quite low.

Hope this helps :)