Many people believe that family has a profound influence on young adults development

Topic:
Some people think that the family is the most important influence on young adults.
Other people think that friends are the most important influence on young adults.

Which view do you agree with?

In this day and age, many advocates believe that family has a more profound influence on children. On the other hand, others assume that friendship dominates family relationships throughout this stage of a human being. From my perspective, I agree with the first opinion due to some particular reasosn.

Firstly, the most supporting point for this statement is that family is an all-inclusive cradle for teenagers. First coming into the world, youngsters naturally follow their parent's steps in many crucial aspects such as personality, education, culture, origin, etiquette, and morality. Parents, along with brothers or sisters, become the guide for adolescents to grow up in the right way. It is clear that the mindset of right and wrongdoings of children is strongly impacted by family education. While with peer relationships, the effects on youngsters easily lead to a more vulnerable and mischievous side.

Another reason is the unconditional love from the family connection. This could be the strongest bond of relationship in the whole life of a human. Family members undeniably go to great lengths to provide any assistance for their beloved one. For instance, even with examination season, parents will be in charge of all of the household chores in order to help teenagers work with their substantial phase of being a student. With the more enormous issue such as school fees and many categories, youngsters do not have to be concerned excessively about them. Comparison with, friendship apparently cannot be willing to intervene to personal issue.

In conclusion, I'm of the opinion that the huge impact of family connection contribute the character of young adults due to some foresaid reasons.

Thanks a lot for helping me.

Examiners dislike it very much when the exam takers overemphasize their presentations with phrases like "In this day and age" when it is unnecessary to do so. There is no point in over stating a point, when there is a counterpoint being presented by the author in the same paragraph. This lexical exercise only helps to lower the clarity of the presentation rather than enhance it. The writer has also failed to clearly present his opinion presentation. For C+C pruposes, he must restate the opinion he agrees with and offer 2 supporting topics as a part of the clear thesis statement presentation. Without it, the paragraph is difficult to track in terms of required discussion points. You earn scores through clear explanations and reasoning and its starts in the first paragraph.

Once you have established that you are presenting a reasoning explanation with the word "firstly", there is no need to ten say "first" in the same paragraph. The numerical ordinals come into play for the same number only once per count in the same paragraph. So the next paragraph should be "secondly", and so on and so forth, per paragraph.

The conclusion is weak and fails to accomplish the reverse paraphrase it was first designed for. It will receive a failing preliminary mark as it is less than 2 sentences / 40 words, does not restablish the original discussion topics and public opinions, and only quickly, without restating the given reasons, establishes and incomplete personal opinion once again.

Though the essay is well explained and developed in the reasoning paragraphs, the problems with grammar accuracy prove to be a sticky point for this essay. More use of first person pronoun references in the discussion would have better established that this is being presented from the personal point of view of the writer as needed. It came across more as a general opinion since the correct pronouns are not used throughout the analysis.