ielts task 1 : the diagram below shows the manufracturing process for making sugar from sugar cane

The diagram illustrates step wise process of extracting sugar from sugarcane. Overall, there are 7 steps clearly depicted ,but the process starts with growing sugarcane in the farms and finishes with drying and cooling sugar syrup in large open containers.

The starting step of sugar making process begins with growing sugarcane ,which takes around 12 to 18 months. This is followed by harvesting them ,that can be done using 2 methods, one is manually cutting sugarcane or by using big vehicles, which have choppers attach to them.

In subsequent stage sugarcane is crushed by using crushing machine into sugarcane juice. This juice is further purified using limestone filter.It is then passes through an evaporator, which is constantly supplied by heat. Here sugarcane juice is converted into syrup. The next step is centrifuging the syrup to separate it from sugar crystals. The last and the final step is drying and cooling ,which turns sugar syrup into sugar.

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The first paragraph sentence contains a redundant process reference. It also uses a conjunction that does not suit the sentence structure as there is no opposing process to speak of in the reference. These are errors that show a greater need to develop the writer's ability to with proper English sentences. While the sentence may read clearly in meaning, grammatical structure errors are evident in the presentation.

The paragraphs are acceptable in cases of informal writing, but not in an academic or formal report presentation. Each paragraph must meet the standard 3-5 sentence requirement to receive proper scoring within 3 sectional considerations. This is achieved by separating the sentence or procedural references into individual sentence presentations.