In different parts of the world kids are involved in some paid jobs, but it is harmful to them.

I would appreciate if someone will take time to correct my essay, highlighting both strengths and weaknesses.

Thanks in advance.
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In many countries children are engaged in some kind of paid work. Some people regard this as completely wrong, while others consider it a valuable work experience, which is important for learning and taking responsibility. What is your opinion?

Hi cldales,

Kindly find my help below;

In many countries children are engaged in some kind of paid work. Some people regard this as completely wrong, while others consider it a valuable work experience which is important for learning and taking responsibility. What is your opinion?

There are many parts of the world today where children are involve(d- ongoing event) in compensated jobs. While others sternly argue that is (is- delete) justifiable for the kids to work, others think that such experience allows children to be responsible, it lets them value work more and the workplace gives them avenue to learn about life in general. In this essay, I will discuss both arguments and state my opinion about it.

It is understandable for some to feel dreadful about the idea of paid work among children because of the negative impact it brings to the child's physical and psychological well-being. For one, kids are not physically ready to tackle on jobs that require power and strength such as in factories where an employee transports materials from one place to another. Second(ly- can delete), the mental demand a job brings is outright unmanageable by the youngsters. An example to this is the pressure to ensure that a daily sales quota is met. It is therefore, unnecessary for children to be associated with any type(s-delete) of work because of its demands, physically and mentally.

On the other hand, some people('s - delete) belief (about the - replace with "that") positive influences that a job has on children especially on the areas of value on work, learning and responsibility is also agreeable. Early exposure of kids in the work(ing - add) environment teaches them lessons that are significant in adult life. This gives them a perfect ground to know some skills not taught inside the classroom. For example, the continuous communication between different employees in an organization is an important element to get a task done perfectly. For children, this teaches them social skills and it enhances their mental acuity. Hence, the lessons learned by children in the workplace provide them assets that are relevant in adulthood.

Though there are advantages on the involvement of children on some kind of paid job, I disagree on this argument. I believe that young kids must devote their time learning at school or playing with other kids instead of finding themselves on the pressures of adult work life. They must be allowed to be kids, away from the stresses of the work environment.

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Cldales, your essay is written pretty well. I just have few tips;

* Proof read - before submitting any written material, proof read it, it never fail to tell you that there is more to what you've already written

* Punctuation marks - little details that makes a difference

Best of luck!

Strengths: Great points in the 2nd paragraph because some people believe that kids should be kids and they shouldn't have to take on adult responsibilities until they are able to handle them. Excellent points about kids lifting heavy materials in factories. The reader will be intrigued by this. The last three sentences in the 4th paragraph are super good! This is interesting because children need to know how to work with people with different personalities. This is a great observation. This paper is very organized too.

Weakness: Watch your grammar in the 1st paragraph. In the first paragraph, I think you need to add commas and take away some words. Here is my suggestion:

"While others sternly argue that it is justifiable for the kids to work, others think that such experience allows children to be responsible, value work more, and gives them an avenue to learn about life in general."

I would avoid saying youngsters because I feel that using a term like youths or young people would help the reader. In the 2nd paragraph, I don't know if this is a typing error, but make sure to change the beginning of the sentence to: "An example of this". I'm confused by the last sentence in the 2nd paragraph. Do you mean that it is advisable that children aren't associated with any type of work because of the physical and mental demands it imposes upon them? Or you could phrase it as: Therefore, it is not necessary for children to be exposed to any type of work that it is physically and mentally demanding. The 1st sentence in the 4th paragraph needs revision because I am having trouble understanding it. It took me some time to see how you can change this. The sentence can stay the same, except if you change it to "especially regarding valuing work,", you will only change the sentence slightly. Read it this way and see how it sounds. In the 5th paragraph, Do you mean that there are advantages in involving children in paid work, but you disagree with this argument? In the 5th paragraph, you saying "finding themselves on". I think you are trying to link the two ideas. "finding themselves and having" can link the two. Read through the paper once more after changing grammar and see if you need to add anything.

*Please know that your weaknesses are only slight errors.

Thanks for the suggestions.