I appreciate your comments and views about this IELTS Task 2 essay.
huge salaries to sports stars?
Some people believe that the salaries paid to professional sportspeople are too high, while others argue that sports salaries are fair.
Discuss both views and give your opinion.
People have different views about the amount of money paid to top sportspeople. While there are some good arguments in favor of the idea that these athletes are overpaid, in my opinion they receive fair salaries.
The main reason why many people might disapprove of high salaries of sportspeople is that they do not make much contribution to society despite their huge income. Many skilled athletes earn much more than workers in other professions, like teachers and doctors, even though their roles are not as vital as these workers. Barcelona superstar Lionel Messi, for example, took in $127 million from his salary, earnings and endorsements. By contrast, high school teachers in the United States made a median salary of $60,320 in 2018; the best-paid 25 percent made $77,720 that year. Most people believe that we should therefore value professionals such as nurses and teachers more highly.
However, I believe that the best sportspeople deserve to earn a lot of money. Firstly, being a top sports player requires years of practice and hard-work, and in this regard athletes could set good examples for young people. Secondly, a sports star usually has millions of fans who are willing to pay to see him or her play. Finally, sport is a multi-million-dollar industry; there are many firms that want to use popular sportspeople for advertising purposes, by making considerable investment into advertising their products. In Lionel Messi's case, $37 million of his income came from endorsements.
In conclusion, although there are good arguments against paying huge salaries to sports stars, I would argue that they deserve the money they earn.
(264 words)Holt Educational Consultant - / 14,835 
4783 You do not use ownership phrases throughout your body of paragraphs to represent the public points of view (2 points) prior to discussing your point of view. The whole essay comes across a total representation of your point of view. The prompt paraphrase is incorrect and that led to the mistake on your part. Compare the two:
OP: Discuss both views and give your opinion.
YP: While there are some ... in my opinion they receive fair salaries.
A prompt adherent representation of the paraphrase can be seen in the following:
There are two points of view regarding athletes salaries. Some people believe that sports people are paid too much. Others believe that the games players fees are commensurate . This essay will compare the two points of view in order for me to arrive at my own opinion regarding the discussion.
The prompt paraphrase should always showcase a restated version of the following:
- Topic for discussion
- Discussion topic 1
- Discussion topic 2
- Discussion instruction
The ownership phrases (ex. While some groups believe that... , Another discussion crowd explains that... ) help to indicate what point of view is presented (pro/con /personal opinion) in each paragraph. By using the ownership words, you create a more coherent and cohesive presentation of the discussion. Rather than mistakenly representing the discussion as a personal point of view. A mistake that you made in the overall discussion of this topic.
Words like "I/Me/Myself " - cannot be used
Introduction- Could've been better.Try writing introductory lines about the sports industry in general and then talk about the question.
Agreement para- good point with relevant examples.
Disagreement para-
" Finally, sport is a multi-million-dollar industry; there are many firms that want to use popular sportspeople for advertising purposes, by making considerable investment into advertising their products." - Irrelevant point. No relation to fair salaries. you can add more points like their limited career span and their physical fitness which is of utmost importance and how they can get out of the game/team with just one injury. you can write relevant examples taking the above point into consideration.
