An essay: Different ways of studying

Please help me with my English writing. It would be great if you could give some suggestions and edits to my essay. Thank you!

Queston:In your English class you have been talking about different ways of studying. Now, your English teacher has asked you to write an essay for homework. Write your essay using all the notes and giving reasons for your point of view.

Do you think it is better to do schoolwork with other students or to work alone?
Notes
Write about:
1. different subjects
2. sharing ideas
3. ..................... (your own idea)

Write your answer in 140 - 190 words in an appropriate style.

(From Cambridge Write & Improve)

Here is my essay (Wordcount: 189)

While some students like to handle their tasks in a team, others find work individually more efficient and effective. Personally, I believe that students might benefit more from doing schoolwork on their own, as this mode of learning maximises the focus on the work and is surprisingly time-saving.

Working on the task alone allows learners to fully pay attention to complete it. Unlike teamwork sessions when the main focus can possibly be distracted by some neglected teammates, especially when these students try to drive the main topic to another unrelated discussion, individual working absolutely minimises this unnecessary chit-chatting time, leaving learners to be fully concentrated on their task.

Moreover, doing schoolwork by oneself permits students with a flexible timeline, since students no longer have to negotiate on the hectic personal schedules of others to find a suitable timeslot for the team. Learners who work individually can effortlessly pick out a time to complete the work without waiting for anybody else.

Hence, I believe in this ever-rapid pace of life where time efficiency is prioritised, working individually is the pliable choice for students to conduct their learning and practicing.

The writing guide has asked you to mention the effects of studying as a group vs. individual study time. There should have been a mention of say, specific subjects that are best learned in a solo atmosphere instead of a group setting. So, while you met the word count, you did not meet all the writing task requirements. In an actual test, you would receive deductions or actually fail the test due to under developed ideas. That is what your study guide is trying to train you to avoid. Write based on all the writing parameters provided.

Work harder on your sentence structure and writing style. You have a tendency to just use run-on sentences, making it confusing to keep track of your ideas. Talk about ideas in individual sentences to help guide the reader in a clearer manner.