Hello friends, I need your powerful feedback to develop my writing skill relating to grammatical errors, lexical resources, cohesion and coherence, and task response.
Face-to-face communication is better than other types of communication, such as letters, email, or telephone calls. Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? Use specific reasons and details to support your answer.
The method of communication is crucial in the way people engaging each other. Some people believe that direct communication is better than indirect communication such as letters, emails, and telephone calls. Although conventional communication boost a sense of community, the advantages of communication by letter or digital communication leads to enormous tangible effects for society.
It is crucial to balance the personal interaction amongst people by face-to-face communication since this way is effective to interact people. To illustrate, personal touch in the way people communicate by face-to-face method creates the sense of community with other people. It is necessary for people who are eager to build the business relationship with client or stakeholders. Therefore, the foundation of trust by direct interacting and intensive socializing creates the better working companionship. Ultimately, this sense of community built by this type of communication is inefficient for certain people in far distance, so people need the alternative communication to remain continuously communicating with others.
The better communications is offered by letters, email, or telephone calls in which popular these days. A number of benefits are provided by this communication. Initially, people are able to keep in touch with acquaintance, neighbourhood, and friends without any hesitates. By digital communication, communication is becoming accessible. Furthermore, this alternative communication are connecting with other people in the fast way. It is essential when people are in emergency. They enable to engage other people in the short time by using email or mobile phone calls. So, it is clear that the benefits of indirect communication have the dominant effect for people.
In conclusion, despite emotional relation bought by direct communication, the significant positive impacts of indirect communication eclipses inefficient way faced by face-to-face relationship. Then, it is imperative that people should select the better communication to avoid the risk of conflicts.
Hi Lily, I would like to share a few insights for your essay.
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- effects forto the society.
- sinceas this way
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- trust bythrough direct
- interactinginteraction and
- intensive socializing creates thea better - people such as those in far distance,
- the alternative ways of communication
- to remain continuously communicatingin contact with others.
There you have it Lily, I took the first 2 paragraphs so you will be able to see the difference of the essay once it is revised. I notice that you have the idea all cut out for this essay but you were not able to express them properly, I believe a little more practice will greatly help.
Lily, I would like to try to help you by assessing your essay based on 4 scoring criteria that you have mentioned.
Task Response
- It is unfortunate that you didn't mention your position clearly in the introduction paragraph. If you keep doing as a habit, it will be dangerous towards your band score later on. You will not be able to attain band 6 if there is no relevant or clear position whether agree or disagree. It is suggested to mention it clearly whether you agree or disagree with the prompt given. Therefore, I think you cannot get more than 5 in this part.
Coherence and Cohesion
- Unfortunately your cohesive devices are somehow inaccurate. When you are using 'therefore' it is usually in the last part of the paragraph, it is unnecessary to add 'ultimately' after that. This will make it redundant, or somewhat inaccurate. In addition, when you mention 'initially' it is usually followed by a process. This also made the use of your cohesive devices are inaccurate. Sadly, you also cannot go further than 5 because of this.
Lexical Resource
- By mentioning 'communication' 18 times in this essay, the examiner will consider it as repetitive, and you didn't have adequate range of vocabulary to be graded properly. Actually you can shift the use of communication by using approach / connection / link. Therefore, the score for this part is somewhere between 5 and 6, perhaps 5.5 to be exact.
Grammatical range and accuracy
- As stated by justivy, your grammar was also problematical. You can do a regular practice to help you. Remember, accurate simple sentences are still better that inaccurate complex sentences. Just make sure that every sentence that you make is 100% correct to play safe. Thus, I think you cannot go beyond 5 in this part.
As you can see Lily, I have tried to assess your writing. Keep practicing and you will get better result in the real test. However, this is only a prediction, no hurt feelings :D I hope you can learn something by considering my feedback. Good luck for the next one :)
