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Ielts writing task 2 essay: Discuss and opinion about information sharing.

GraceN 1 / -  
Dec 20, 2017   #1
You should spend about 40 minutes on this task.
Write about the following topic:

Some people believe that it is good to share as much information as possible in scientific research, business, and the academic world. Others believe that some information is too important or too valuable to beshared freely.

Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

The value of information

Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.
Write at least 250 words.

In the advancing era of science, business, engineering and technology, it is vital that all the information are shared and fairly distributed throughout the world. Some people argue that sharing information is beneficial to the development of new technology, a cure for a disease and mankind advancement. Others tend to retain the valuable information and prevent it from leaking out to the public. The decision of whether to share or not to share the information is greatly depending on the various types of occupation and organization.

It is important that all the scientific research findings and data are made publicity for other researchers and academia. For instance, a group of scientist from a research centre is developing an experiment with a medicine that can possibly cure cancer. During their research, if these scientists do not share their results about the failed experiments, another group of researchers may repeat exactly the same mistake which is wasting both time and money from the funding organization. Furthermore, a newly form group of scientists may reinvented the wheel and repeat the same research without prior knowledge about the previous data. It is extremely difficult to have something new invented if the researchers are not sharing their findings.

On the other hand, the majority of business organizations are very strict and protective of their company's information. It is understandable that the business secrets should not be shared freely to the public as it might affect the company's profits and their employee's privacy. In these cases, the information is too valuable and should be protected.

In conclusion, information regarding to research should be made public whereas data relating to business's secret can be reserved and protected. It is also important to allow a lawful body or the government to access the information when needed.

(Words: 298)
Holt  Educational Consultant - / 14,919 4799  
Dec 20, 2017   #2
Le, your overall presentation for this essay is inaccurate and not within the proper prompt requirements. The first problem with your essay is that, in the opening paragraph, you immediately begin the discussion of the topic by presenting an opinion instead of a mere topic sentence. You do not follow it up with a proper discussion and instead, revert to the expected presentation format. This forced an error in your presentation as you no longer properly paraphrased the original prompt. Let me show you an example of a more accurate prompt presentation below:

A particular section of society believes that open sharing of information in the fields of science, economics, and education are important to the continued development of these fields. There is also an opposing sector that believe these types of information are too valuable so open access to these data must not be allowed. In this essay, I shall discuss these two points of view prior to sharing my personal belief of the situation based upon my own experiences and understanding of the topic provided.

It is of vital importance that you stick to the paraphrasing of the original presentation as best as possible so that you can prove your English comprehension skills and ability to represent an English thought process in your own words. Do well in that presentation and you are almost fully assured of passing the test. Make mistakes, such as you made in this essay and you lessen that chance.

The biggest problem with the essay that you presented is that it comes across in totality as a personal opinion regarding the two points of view. The actual discussion instruction requested you to discuss both points of view in an independent manner first. Then you present a point of view that supports one of the given sides. Based upon your presentation, you approached this from an academic angle instead of basing your personal point of view on personal knowledge or experience. When you present your personal point of view, you must indicate this by using the first person pronouns such as "I, myself, me". If you do not specify the separation indicators for the two different points of view and your personal point of view, you end up representing only your discussion in the presentation.

It is based upon these presentation errors that I cannot assure you of getting a passing score with this type of essay. There are too many inaccuracies in your work for it to be scored accurately and fairly. You need to make sure that you understand the discussion method required before you write the essay. If you understand what is expected of you, then you should be able to properly deliver the requirements and thus, gain a passing score for your work.

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