Hello everyone, I would like to express my gratitude towards nice friends giving me helpful comments on my first IELTS essay posted on this forum. Could you please spare a few minutes and give me feedbacks on my second work? Sincere thanks for your assistance
Task 2: Is the mental strength important for success in sports or is it important to have strong and fit people in sports. Discuss both views and give opinions.
Various views are held on the issue of what type of factor is critical to triumphs in sport events. While some people may point out that athletes who are mentally tough will be champions, critics contend that lusty competitors are more likely to achieve stunning victories than the rest. Nevertheless, I am convinced that contestants having mental stamina can overcome stumbling blocks in competitive games. In this essay, both perspectives are under discussion as following.
Apparently, having a strong constitution plays a vital role in the athletes' career advancement. They are required to attend training courses regularly in order to be in good physical condition. As a result, players are capable of competing against rivals who are at the same level as them. It is therefore agreed that contestants' well-being is the first priority. If they don't have enough energy, they will definitely feel exhausted during the games and end up as losers. Cristiano Ronaldo is a typical example. Thanks to his strict workout plan, he is at the peak of fitness and in magnificent shape. At the age of 35, he is regarded as the most skillful football player due to impressive records as well as his lustiness.
Voices from the other side could also be heard against this matter claiming that athletes' mental power contributes enormously to the final outcome. Without demand management ability, consistency, motivation, focus, strong self-belief and control under pressure, players could hardly outperform their challengers. Besides, I firmly believe that the cultivation process of mental energy benefits them from overcoming their weakness and gaining a victory over themselves. To illustrate, during Roger Federer's first period of playing tennis, he unfortunately suffered the loss of success in the first round of Wimbledon. After consecutive years of accumulating experience, he has amazingly won eight Wimbledon men's single titles and gained several prizes. It is obvious that his absolute determination has made him one of the most inspiring tennis players of all time.
In a nutshell, some people are of the opinion that powerful contestants are unbeatable easily, whilst others are against such a view and credit the significant influence of a positive mindset. Personally, I support the latter stance since players with strong passion will doubtlessly seize the initiative in the crucial matches and tournaments and win the games.
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You are still confused as to how to approach the public point of view with personal opinion essay. The format for the discussion is, in no particular order:
Par. 2 - Mental health is important PUBLIC POV
Par. 3 - Strong and fit PUBLIC POV
Par. 4 - Personal opinion that considers the reason for each discussion before presenting an informed opinion.
The opinion statement in this type of essay must always consider a personal comparison of the 2 public opinions before presenting a final personal opinion in the discussion.
The TA section of your score will be affected due to the lack of clarity in your paraphrased introduction. There are several confusing sentences in that section which includes:
- critics contend that lusty competitors are more likely to achieve stunning victories than the rest.
What exactly did you mean by saying "lusty"? Lusty could be taken to have either a sexual or general meaning. In this case, I believe you meant to indicate "full of strength and vitality". Word of caution, do not use words that could be misconstrued in your presentation. It is okay to use simple words instead of complex vocabulary when you are still a beginner in using the English language. You won't lose points for using simple English vocabulary. If you use a word out of context, or it is misunderstood, it could lower your LR score. Don't just grab a dictionary or thesaurus and use the first impressive sounding word that you see. Make sure it will be used properly and the meaning of the word is clear to the reader the first time they come across it.