Disease prevention is more important than treatment - strongly agree

The Power of Prevention

Can anyone check this essay, please please

The prevention of health problems and illness is more important than treatment and medicine. Government funding should reflect this.
To what extent do you agree?
A recurring topic which is debated nowadays is related to dealing with health issues. It is suggested that preventing a disease is more effective than treating it and therefore, the government should increase its expenditure. I personally strongly concur with this viewpoint as this essay will demonstrate.

Analysing the means that a government can enhance its spending and succeed in prevention, the first one that springs to my mind is by educating and increasing cognizance among people. To clarify this further, the government can start tackling health issues by implementing training programmes where people can be taught about negative effects of sedentary lifestyle and unhealthy diet and other life choices. For example, someone who smokes can be deterred from smoking if he learns about the ramifications of smoking such as lung cancer. Moreover, health visitors can also be assigned to visit children and elderly in their residences to make sure they are healthy and looked after appropriately. Thus, education can play a key role in preventing diseases.

Another area where the government can increase its expenditure is vaccination. These days, many parents opt out of immunisation due to baseless rumours. For instance, a parent refuses to vaccinate his child against mumps, measles and rubella owing to fear of autism. Hence, the government can confront this issue by punishing these parents and removing children from their care.

Finally, the government can also increase its budget for primary health care. This will certainly enable the health care professionals such as pharmacists and general practitioners to serve their designated area efficiently. To illustrate, a pharmacist working in a well-funded pharmacy can have the appropriate staffing level to afford the time to advise a patient on various ways of smoking cessation. Therefore, an efficient primary healthcare is crucial to improve health and avoid progression and exacerbation of diseases.

In conclusion, I am a firm proponent of enhancement of budget to prevent diseases rather than treating them and the government should adopt this view by putting the afore-mentioned suggestions into practice.

@Diligent Student

Hi there!

I'll do my best to help you with your essay.

First and foremost, I recommend that you try to have a more straightforward approach to writing. Remember that while transition and filler words are essential, they can also compromise the clarity of your text. This means that you should focus more on the depth and substantion rather than how "complex" the sentence appears. Master this - and you'll be able to focus more on content.

Additionally, evade being repetitive with your words. Using synonyms can help you tremendously with this. If not, you can always rely on biulding a set structure that will help you create a more derivative outline that would help you in the long-run.

Merging both of these comments together will help you tailor-fit your content to a more academic level.

That being said, let's revise to give you an idea of what I mean.

... that a the government can enhance increase its spending and succeed in on prevention, the first one that ... people step can be to educate and spread awareness among the people. To clarify this fFurther, the government ... taught about the negative effects of sedentary lifestyles and unhealthy diet and other life choices. For example, someone who ... from efforts to deter smoking can be achieved if he learns about the ramifications ... Moreover, health visitors can also be ... and the elderly ... to make ensure they are healthy and looked after appropriately. ...

Best of luck in your writing.