Ielts Writing Task 1: the distribution of employment among agriculture, services and industries

the comparison of three sectors of the economy

The bar chart compares different countries in terms of their employment rate among agriculture, services and industries from 1980 and the estimated figures until 2020

Overall, the minority of job in agriculture is found in country A and C while country B makes up the highest figure in agriculture . The amount of job in services in all countries increase

In 1980, about two-thirds of agriculture employment were from country B. Nearly 40% of industry job went to country C whereas the figures for country A and B were slightly lower. Regarding services, country C accounted for around seven in ten of job, which was twice times as much as that of country B

In 2020, all countries are predicted to slowly rise in the amount of employment in services . By 2020, the propotion of agriculture job in country A and C will have remained unchanged, at roughtly 20% and just 5% respectively while country B is estimated to decrese by roughly 10% . The amount of industry job in country B is projected to grow to approximately 40% compared to 22% in country B. The figure for country A will decline from 30 to just over 20% in 2020

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Pretty good information! But it'd be helpful if you added the prompt so I could tell if you answered the question correctly!

@Devaii
oh, i'm very happy due to your assessment but i'm sorry, i don't understand ' if you added the prompt'. Can you explain for me?

The bar charts compares ...

Try to be more consistent with your time frame references. Since these measurements have already been completed, you are to present the information in the past tense mode. Creating confusion with regards to the time situation of the essay will create an incoherent and less cohesive paragraph and information presentation. So you will find yourself with severe GRA and LR points deductions in relation to this problem. The LR deductions will stem from the misrepresented meaning of the word being used (present instead of past tense).

Let us not forget, you will also receive additional deductions due to your inability to use proper punctuation marks throughout your essay. You failed to use a full stop, also known as a period in several places within your presentation. Further LR deductions will be applied to the 3 misspelled words in your presentation (propotion = proportion, roughtly= roughly, decrese = decrease).

These problems with your scores occurred because of one reason alone, you did not review, revise, and edit the paper you wrote. Always make it a practice to self-edit prior to the submission of your paper. You will kick yourself if you fail the test based on errors that could have been spotted and corrected prior to submitting the essay. Always leave at 3-5 minutes to do that. Your score will always be better for it.

The amount of job ... increased.
The figure for country A will declined from 30% to ...

... compared to 22% in country B in 1980. (we can not know whether it is exactly 22% so we can add "around'')

"The figure for country A will decline from 30 to just over 20% in 2020" (which sector that you are mentioning?)