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Jan 6, 2019   #1


This is NOT an IELTS-WRITING ,just an essay of my final exam. Please help me to edit it. Thank you
Nowadays,organizations are more diverse than ever and Understand the advantages of workforce diversity helps establish an organization with a competitive edge.The key to success depends on how well organizations manage their diverse workforce.

Many experts believe that establish a "Workplace diversity" is to help boost the company brand's reputaion because diversity can foster innovation and open global opportunities and connect directly to our community.Working in a diverse environment also helps increase productivity and improve perfomance.Due to these remarkable advantages,organizations should manage their diverse workforce efficiently.

Firstly,It is very important for managers to understand both the discrimination laws and the penalties for violating employees in order to reduce the numbers of conflicts and behavior issues.For example,creating a fair and comfortable work environment for disabled employees is important in a diversified workplace.

Secondly,every company should hold more diversity training so as to help employees learn to deal with challenges and limit the barriers of religion and culture.Suitable company policies and appropriate training help build acceptance and respect among a well-diversified employee body.

Thirdly,another important factor when it comes to succesful diverse workforce management is communication.It is wise to allow the workforce to contribute their own innovative ideas and equally award without gender,religion discernment;this not only makes the staff members feel valued,but it can also provide a lot of useful ideas that the company can benefit from.

To conclude,organizations that manage a diverse workforce benefit most and bring out the best of an individual's unique skills, creativity, experience and knowledge. Successful management reflects positively on a company and encourage customers and prospective customers to establish long-term relationships.
Holt  Educational Consultant - / 12,686 4117  
Jan 7, 2019   #2
Minh, your essay requires more than simple grammar editing. The content is also poor and lacking in substance. Aside from your presentation of topic sentences and examples, you do not really build up a believable supporting reason for your topic sentences. Even though this is not an IELTS test, the guidelines remain the same because you are still writing an academic essay and thus, needs to be properly supported as an opinion or research paper. As with any academic paper, it is always better if you open each paragraph with a topic sentence rather than a word count method.

There is no need to count out your paragraphs because it does not help to move the essay forward. It is nothing but a word filler meant to help you meet whatever the word count is for this academic essay. The use of topic sentences to open any paragraph clearly shows a command of the topic and a confidence in your writing skills. The confidence in your writing skills are not clearly seen in this essay either as your paragraphs are too short to portray any real discussion knowledge on your part. Longer paragraphs with properly explained topic sentences could have helped to elevate the writing level of your work.