Please give me comment on my writing!Thank you!
TOPIC: In today's world, the dominance of global product brands is increasingly threatening our identity as individuals. How far do you agree or disagree with this statement?
My writing:(written for 37min)
Today, more and more brands are appearing, many of which have become popular all over the world. Such international trademarks have so great an influence on human life that some people believe they are gradually making them lose their identities. In my opinion, however, it is not always a case as some worry because of the different ways people choose and use a product.
Firstly, human beings have various tastes for the same kind of product. Although well-known brands attract a number of people, each of them can actually appeal to a certain group of customers. Therefore, everyone has their own ways to choose a good which also reflects their own identities or favors. It is easily pointed our that Chanel may be the most popular fashion brand but this does not mean that all girls and women want to wear its clothes. They may choose Versace instead because such clothes help them express their special characteristics. In short, people usually tend to use products of their interests, not for the brands.
Moreover, customers in different countries also have different ways to utilize a good. Any global trademarks have to conform to local conditions or conventions so that they can satisfy buyers of another identity. Advertisements should contain familiar images about everyday life in the country where the companies are working. In other word, famous brands depend much on the markets. Besides, despite human tendency to follow new things, international companies cannot impose the same way to use the product on every nation. For example, eventhoug KFC is a kind of fast food and is enjoyed for about fifteen minutes each time in foreign countries, it still takes the Vietnamese one to two hours to finish a helping. That fact comes from Vietnamese people's habit of coming to a restaurant to eat and meet friends, which means we, the Vietnamese substain our traditional identities.
To sum up, global brands can spread their dominance to every corner of the earth; nevertheless, they cannot sweep individuals' identities to the corner. People can keep their own styles different from the others' and their countries' from the rest of the world by the way they select and use a product.
PS: In my writing, there are some brand names. I am not sure that it is legal to do that. If not, please tell me so that i will not make the same mistake in future.Thanks!
...it is not always the case, because people are still unique in the ways they choose and use a product.
This is great! No, it is alright to write about brand names, so don't worry!
You write very well. Are you even learning English as a second language? If so, I am impressed, but you write as well as someone who grew up speaking English.
It is best if you give each paragraph at least 3 sentences, maybe even 4.
Thanks Kevin for your comment!
Yes, I'm learning English as a second language and I am preparing for the IELTS test. I have to gain at least 6.0 to be allowed to move on to my major at university.In fact, I feel quite anxious.:(
Anyway, Thanks!
Your essay addresses the prompt clearly with a well-developed thesis. You might want to keep practicing, just to develop your stylistic and grammatical abilities a bit more, but you certainly have no reason to feel particularly anxious.
