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Driving education course before being licensed can reduce the number of traffic accidents.



Abdurasul 32 / 78  
Mar 10, 2014   #1
Hi there...
I'm preparing an IELTS exam. In this writing, I am working with Task Response, Coherence and Cohesion, Lexical Resource and Grammar. I'd appreciate any suggestion you may have.

Question:
The best way to reduce the number of traffic accidents is to make all young drivers complete a driving education course before being licensed.

Answer:

In recent decades, our lives have changed significantly because of the evolution of technology. As a result, we have faced up with problem, as traffic accidents. In my opinion, it is absolutely pivotal issue because millions of people suffer greatly from it. The best way to reduce the number of traffic accidents is to make all young drivers complete a driving education course before being licensed.

First and foremost, according to statistics the 40 % of all injuries we get is caused by vehicles. In this sense, the majority of drivers are not qualified enough. Moreover, in some countries it possible to get driving licenses even at the age of 15. It is common knowledge that people in this period are incredibly energetic, as a result they drive so fast and cause many accidents. From my point of view, the best solution for this case is to implement right and appropriate age limits.

Further and even more importantly, one must note that in some countries it is possible to get driving licenses without any education course. The primary reason for it is corruption. As a salient example, I can give Uzbekistan, because it is the only country, about which I have full information. In this country, it is possible to get driving license without driving courses by mean of money. In this sense, it is vital to develop all the spheres of country, in order to make positive progress.

By way of conclusion, I once again reaffirm my position that implementing appropriate age limits and fighting against the corruption can lead to perceptible and positive progress, which makes the world better place.

Pahan 1 / 1824  
Mar 10, 2014   #2
Your introduction seems to be ok. But it can be further improved by following this structure which dumi often suggests for this task.
dumi 1 / 6793  
Mar 10, 2014   #3
First and foremost, according to statistics the 40 % of all injuries we get is caused by vehicles. In this sense, the majority of drivers are not qualified enough.

Well the reason here is that " the majority of drivers are not qualified enough". So begin your body para with that ;
First, according to statistics, the majority of accidents is caused by careless driving.
OP Abdurasul 32 / 78  
Mar 10, 2014   #4
Thank you very much!


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