Early education for young children to help them to hone their intellectual and social skills - TOEFL

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Some people think that children should begin their formal education at a very early age and should spend most of their time on school studies. Others believe that young children should spend most of their time playing. Compare these two views. Which view do you agree with? Why?

Early childhood education has been long debated by varying opinions. Some feel that children of ages up to five years should not be instructed. Others feel the opposite. I am inclined to believe that it is imperative to focus on educating young children in order to help them to hone their intellectual and social skills and to discover their talents as well.

To begin with, teaching children in a tender age allow them to enhance their intellectual skills. A recent research has shown that the perfect age for learning is in the first five years of the human life. In this period, the most important developments of the human brain occur. Teachers, who are aware of this information, use a variety of methods and techniques to stimulate these developments. They use worksheets, drawings, songs, games, etc. for instructing young learners. Their professional assistance is valuable in the intellectual capacities development of young children.

In addition to developing intellectual skills, early education allows young children to improve their social skills. They learn how to live and express themselves within a group. They also follow a number of instructions and rules set by professionals, who are in this case teachers and educators, in order to be more disciplined and well behaved. They equip them with skills that help them to appropriately fit their societies. Early education provides the chance for youngster to formally socialize and it prepares them for the future.

And beyond developing social and intellectual skills, I personally think that early education helps parents to discover and to improve their children's talents so they can develop them in an early age. For example, my friend, who is a teacher at kindergarten, has found that one her students has no interest in learning or studying, however, when she gave them some activities that involve drawings and paintings, he showed an impressive talent. My friend contacted his mother and advised her to enroll him to take courses in the school of fine arts of the city. Teachers can notice the brilliant abilities of their learners and notify their parents in order to develop them in an early age.

To sum up, children's early age is a critical period of their lives. Regardless of the disadvantages of going to school at this time, the merits are endless. As far as I am concerned, schools can provide the appropriate atmosphere that allows young children to develop their intellectual and social skills and discover their talents so they can properly use them in the future.

Hello,

I have tried to give you some constructive and meaningful feedback, which you may find below.Hope this helps.

However, others feel the opposite.
... in order to help them to hone their intellectual and social skills and to discover their talents as well. .

To begin with, teaching children in a tender age allowallows them to ...
... learning is in the first five years of the human life. In this period, the most important developments of human brain undergoes a great deal of development, leading to irreversible changes .

They use worksheets, drawings, songs, games, etc. forto instructing young learners.

This paragraph seems to lack a bit of quantitative data proving the value of early developmental learning. Try to add something related to the greater impacts that not stimulating the brain of a child may have. Show evidence to prove this.

I think that you should look at this essay over and ask yourself how can I combine some of these paragraphs. Some of your paragraphs seem to be communicating the same ideas, which makes your essay a little monotonous and repetitive. Look for the paragraphs that communicate similar ideas and try to consolidate them into one. This will make your essay flow and more smooth.

Nour in an actual test, your essay will most likely not get a passing score because you did not provide the full prompt requirements. While the essay did as you for your point of view in relation to which side you support, it also asked you to discuss both views prior to your giving your personal opinion.

While you did give a complete discussion of the side that you support, you did not provide any information as to why you oppose the side that supports the idea that children should be allowed to play instead of study. The essay that you should have written was supposed to be a comparison - contrasting essay, with your personal opinion giving mere weight and deference to the side that you believe to be true. The lack of the opposing argument discussion weakened the score of this essay tremendously in the process.

Aside from that, you also mentioned in your defense that there was some sort of research conducted on the topic. When you refer to any factual information, such as mentioning research, make sure that you can recall the name of the research and its topic without having to do an internet research. Just like any other paper, quoted information carries more weight that hearsay. By only saying that there was research but not mentioning what kind of research it was and who conducted it, the information becomes hearsay and invalid. Thus further lowering your final score.

Since the problem of this essay is in its information presentation, the grammar issues are not even an important problem in this case. When your discussion is faulty, your essay will automatically get the lowest possible marks. Regardless of the way that you write in English because your inability to properly discuss the prompt requirements proves that you are not capable of understanding nor following instructions in English.

Don't focus only on one aspect of the essay prompt. Always refer back to it as you write so that you do not miss or make a mistake in the implementation of the instructions. Your scores depend on it.